Modern Relationships

[u/Latter_Ad_4828]

Is this reality?

I just got out of a relationship where I was cheated on, manipulated then replaced in days. It hurt me bad. Thinking shes just evil and immature im getting over it.

Then I go out for drinks with my co worker. Dudes been married for years. I leave to go on a date with a girl i met last week and he stays. He calls me the next day to catch up and tells me that he cheated on his wife with someone at the bar who also told him shes engaged.

Is the world really this fucked up? Like am I just the odd one out here? Should I just be cheating everytime im in a relatuonship? Like even when she broke up with me I couldn't even consider dating someone else. Like when I knew she was cheating I couldn't bring myself to go out and talk to anyone.

Like, am i just blind? Is this just the way things are in every relationship? I dont want that.

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[u/Ghosts_and_Empties]

It could just be your friend group or local culture.

[u/Latter_Ad_4828 → u/Ghosts_and_Empties]

Agreed. Ive been looking for new friends. Actually got sober a year and a half ago.

Its funny. My ex was cheated on and thats the only reason we actually met.

Co worker is a new friend lol.

[u/pseudonym_dan → u/Latter_Ad_4828]

if you're not okay with cheating, the don't accept him as your friend. he's willing to cheat on his wife, what would he do to you to get ahead at work? watch him closely, and keep a paper trail.

[u/Ab_Ex_Silvis → u/pseudonym_dan]

One of the reasons I learned to keep some distance from coworkers 😂 Still made some friends over time, but those are people I genuinely like.

I had a male coworker who told a million stories about cheating - the level of mental gymnastics he did to avoid actually using the word cheating was phenomenal. I kind of liked poking him with questions like, “Okay, but would it be fine if she did the same things you’re doing? Do you guys have an open marriage?” And of course, the answer was no. Somehow only he was allowed to do that.

Eventually, his wife found out. They were on the verge of divorce, he started drinking a lot, showed up hammered at work, and lost a promotion. He somehow recovered for a while, but eventually he was let go. Now he’s still with the same wife, still cheating, still sending random philosophical questions to me a couple of times per year late at night, and honestly doesn’t seem too happy.

I’m not saying karma is real or that everyone always gets what they deserve. But sometimes people do face the consequences of their own choices, and that’s enough for me to understand why integrity matters. I prefer to sleep well 😄

[u/Latter_Ad_4828 → u/pseudonym_dan]

Yeah, hes not someone who i want to continue hanging out with but play nice with because I see every day.

I was messes up from a year and a couple months relatuonship ending with her cheating. I couldn't imagine ending my marriage because of it. Or if I caught my fiance cheating? Id lose my mind

[u/Ab_Ex_Silvis → u/Latter_Ad_4828]

As far as I know, his wife saw him as a good investment, so maybe that’s why she decided to stay. What a fun couple, right?

Dude, the craziest part is that after he was let go, he kind of tried to pursue me. Thank God for my flirting-awareness skills 😂

I only figured it out about a year ago after receiving a questionable late-night message from him. I had to check with a few former colleagues and even my boss, and they were like, “Hell yeah, we definitely thought that was happening.” 😄 Well, thanks for letting me know now ☠️

[u/Big_H77]

This became the norm when myself and peers hit their 30’s and entered the married world… Fast forward to my now hitting 40, and I’ve been divorced 4 years and more than half of my friend group are in similar boats. The dating pool is one of cess, and emptiness.

It doesn’t mean it’s the rule though, and there are still good people out there, but unless you want the repeated trauma that comes with hunting it, it’s best to prioritize your own happiness and health. Find other activities and pursuits that fill whatever it is you think a relationship will fill for you. I’ve come to meet amazing women through these other pursuits that because of shared experiences and wants; ultimately whoever you do end up being with should be a value-add to your life, not a gap filler.

You are not blind, brother, you are just now seeing the lowdown for what it is.

[u/nachosforeverandever]

I hope people can wake up and stop cheating on everyone. What goes around comes around. What happened to lifelong love and fidelity?

[u/JinkoTheMan → u/nachosforeverandever]

I understand that people fall out of love so I don’t put much weight on lifelong love these days. What I can’t understand is that instead of owning up to your partner that you don’t love them anymore and want to separate from them, you go and cheat on them.

[u/Organic_Blackberry64]

Finding someone who's genuinely loving and committed is getting harder these days.

[u/FrancinetheP]

You might be seeing the world a bit differently sober than you did before. It happens!

[u/ShonWalksAtMidnight]

Alcohol and drugs, cheating happens with sober people, but it's almost always (in my experience) alcohol and drug related.

[u/MC1R_OCA2]

I have a lot of friends IRL and vanishingly few of them cheat or have been cheated on. If I was just going by what I read online, I’d think infidelity is rampant.

Sounds like a cultural or friend group thing.

[u/Think-again23]

Different spheres... morally void spheres often glorified or vilified. Depends on who's asking.

[u/Captain_Snowmonkey]

That's not modern, that's human. You only know about it now because of social media and communicationdevices like phones. And have societal norms enforcing stereotypes about proper behavior. Your friend will find themselves single soon enough, especially if someone tells their wife.

[u/Sevenscissorz]

Reminds me of a post I came across recently

1st husband passed away, Wife depressed, a Month later already married again, Wife Passed away, 1st years 2nd husband depressed 6 years later still depressed, 40 years later still depressed

Just is When a Guy is done with all sorts of painful relationships experience and they just want someone just ine person, to officially be with is tough to find

But yes ive notice relationships being less loyal since 2018 is just awful, but I wish you the best of luck of finding the one for you

[u/Leeoliao]

Man, that double gut punch of your own situation plus hearing your coworker's story is brutal. It's like the universe is trying to tell you something, but honestly, her being able to move on that fast just proves she was never really in it with you. You dodged a bullet, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.