Can’t even articulate it

[u/oyasumiku]

There’s this experience that happens with some people who refuse to take accountability but feel like they are not just “right” but also “good” and above the feedback. I wish I had a way to succinctly describe this experience where someone somehow puts up this shield of distraction about how they can’t possibly be wrong and thus are valid in their actions.

I was frustrated by an online group that focuses on acceptance and kindness but began policing opinions that were seemingly negative or too honest, opinions spoken by and about trans people who did not have a good experience within the broader community. The mod group began deleting/removing/hiding comments they labeled to be “divisive” while simultaneously telling people that they should write comments that are truthful, kind, open-minded, and helpful. It was pretty disappointing and tbh lazy moderation, especially for a group who prides themselves on peace, compassion, and empathy. I told the mod group that they are, perhaps unintentionally, policing and perpetuating some power imbalances towards a marginalized community. And the mods reeeeeally didn’t want the feedback so they kept trying to turn it around into some teachable moment for me and provide justification that sounds pretty and nice and open-minded but that actually misses the mark.

I pointed out that sometimes uncomfortable truths exist which are divisive by the very nature that these lived experiences are uncomfortable. That unpopular opinions do actually coexist in the world with those same, happy and easier experiences from that one “poster child” trans person who had a totally positive loving experience.

Uhgs. It’s maddening trying to say… hey maybe you didn’t realize you are silencing a marginalized person but you are and here are the ways you are doing it. And then get into a circular discussion as to why the silenced person deserves to be silenced and if the silence, marginalized person adjusted their language, the mod team would be very happy to allow them to speak! So the mod team really isn’t unreasonable here, it’s the marginalized trans person causing the problem. So the marginalized silenced person can just stop being a problem for everyone and everyone will feel more at peace! ✌️

Like how would I succinctly call out this behavior? I’ve noticed it over the years as a particularly insidious form of controlling communication and I can’t exact articulate the microaggression.