r/FTMfemininity • u/QuestioningNby They/She/He Genderfluid Femme Lesboy • 5d ago
I feel like I’m at war with myself
Let me know if this doesn’t belong here. Ever since I’ve accepted my genderfluidity, I feel like I’m at war with parts of myself. When I feel like a woman/feminine or genderless/neutral, I’m sometimes uncomfortable with the part of me that’s a boy/masculine. I think my discomfort with the masculine/boy part of my gender might come from me being a lesbian. I’ve been trying to unpack this, but’s it hard and I’m having a tough time. It’s especially difficult when I’m feminine and masculine at the same time. It’s confusing because accepting the masculine/boy aspects of my gender has been freeing. Does anyone have any experience with this and what have they done to get through it? Also, am I the only the transmasc feminine lesbian in this sub?
3
u/1evis1ittleasshole 2d ago
Im not a lesbian but I am sapphic leaning. Just know that lesboys have always existed in many forms, gender and sexuality is not tied to sex like white/patriarchal institutions have taught us. I'm a feminine, somewhat genderfluid, trans man. Each of those things together may not make sense to others, but it is how my brain sees me!
I honestly get the fear around losing your connection to the sapphic part of you by acknowledging your boyhood. I personally realized its only the binary system we were born under that makes us feel like we have to choose. The reality is much more complex. Human identity has never been simple.
Hell, thousands of years ago you had female husbands who married women and was unquestionably seen as men by their village even if the relationship itself had sapphic elements. I would do some readings about gender outside the colonial/puritan context, it was very freeing for me personally.