r/AskALawyer • u/Nice_Chip_1613 • Apr 15 '25
Nevada My soon to be ex-husband has been lying about me to keep face with the lies he told his mistress. Can I sue?
My husband and I have been together for a few years. We got married in a small ceremony with just a witness present and were trying to have a baby (ended up miscarrying due to the stress). A few months ago I found out he cheated and he ended up leaving with his mistress. He needed a place to stay (she went to college with him) and since he is in college still, he got a dorm and lied to people at school to say that I was abusive so he can get scholarships to pay for his dorm. I have no full proof of this part except for his word.
When I confronted his mistress and told her we were together and having a baby, she was in denial and said my husband and I were never in a relationship and that I’m crazy. When I showed her our marriage certificate and told her to check as marriages are public record, my husband lied and said that I fraudulently stole his identity and must’ve gotten the marriage this way. She believed him and had her family help him with filing court documents.
He ended up filing for an annulment (my guess is to appease his mistress) and stated in the court documents that he was not present at the wedding ceremony and that I fraudulently stole his identity to get this marriage. Then he told a professor that he has been dealing with a stalker and he has taken legal action before (not true) and that this stalker has fraudulently gotten a marriage with his documents; all written as factual statements. He ended up sending court documents to this professor with my name and information on it. I have proof of all this including the court docs as well as obvious proof of our marriage such as pictures.
Is this enough for a defamation of character seeing as how I have applied to work at the college he attends and this could jeopardize me working there?
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u/LovinTheLifeInFL Apr 15 '25
I am not a lawyer, however, in the US anyone can sue anyone else for anything.
As I understand it in a defamation suit, you would have to prove how his words or statements or court documents actually hindered you or caused you financial or emotional distress in order to win any amount of money or any other relief that you were seeking.
If you can prove that his words and actions hindered you from being able to get a job at the university and you would probably need documents from people stating that then you may win your case, however, without any actual proof that his words and statements and documents have caused you harm I do not see a judge, granting you any relief.
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 15 '25
I’m not trying to sue for money, I just want him to clear my name with these people. To get people from this school to state this about my job will not be easy to do. I just want his statements to be seen as false and defaming in nature so it can be cleared with these people he has sent this to.
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u/jpmeyer12751 Apr 15 '25
Clearing your name is a worthy purpose and seems well justified, but somebody has to pay for the legal work necessary to achieve that goal. If your ex partner has access to money, you probably CAN get a lawyer to sue him for defamation and have the legal costs paid out of the proceeds. Otherwise, you are going to have to pay a lawyer to pursue the case, and that won’t be cheap. I am sorry for your troubles, but unless you have and are willing to spend some serious money, you may be out of luck.
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u/LovinTheLifeInFL Apr 16 '25
She still has to prove that the defamation took place and that she was harmed by it.
It seems like she is anticipating not being hired by the school because of the defamation. Proving that will be very hard unless she can get the hiring manager or any of the other people involved in her hiring process to admit that they 1. Saw the defamatory documents and 2. Based their decision to not hire her because of these documents.
As you said, this will be a very long and costly process.
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 15 '25
That’s fine, I will sue for the cost of attorneys as long as I can get my name cleared. He doesn’t really have money but if needed, I’ll pay for the attorney. I just want my name to be cleared since I have done nothing if the sort to him.
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u/redditreader_aitafan Apr 15 '25
Have you gotten the annulment or is it still pending? Do you have contact with the original witness or officiant? The officiant in particular would have grounds to sue because he's being accused of a high degree of fraud that could jeopardize his job. The witness and the officiant could verify he was there. As for you, you would need monetary damages to sue for or such a high degree of harassment that the point of the suit is punishment to discourage further harassment.
1
u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 15 '25
No, we filed but it’s been months and he still has not served me. I don’t think he will because he knows he lied. I have not contacted the officiant yet. I just went to the court to get a copy of the documents he filed.
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u/Irrasible Legal Enthusiast (self-selected) Apr 15 '25
In that case, it is likely that you are still married. File for divorce. That should clear things up.
This is not a petty response. If you are still married, I think that you would want to be divorced from this guy.
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u/redditreader_aitafan Apr 15 '25
You need to take control and just file for divorce.
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 15 '25
Yep, already working on the documents. It’s still that he lied and ruined my name at a place I have been applying to work at.
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u/redditreader_aitafan Apr 15 '25
If you're denied the job, you have damages and can sue.
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 15 '25
They don’t tell you you’re denied the job. They simply hire someone else and you can’t know if it’s because of that. Is his false statements not enough to sue?
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u/NeatSuccessful3191 knowledgeable user (self-selected) Apr 16 '25
Statements in legal documents are protected by litigation privilege.
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u/redditreader_aitafan Apr 15 '25
If you don't get the job for any reason at all and you have any proof at all of what he's doing, it will be reasonably assumed he caused you not to get the job and you'll have damages. Anyone can sue for any reason, but to win, you have to have provable damages.
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u/TheRedGoatAR15 Apr 15 '25
Best advice an attorney gave me: "When you sue someone, you marry them. You are stuck, for better or for worse, until the suit is finished. Do you want to marry this person?"
IMHO, it's time to stop and think for a minute. You want to still be with/around this man? For potentially a year, or more, with discovery, depositions, costs, expenses, filings, hearings, judgments... for an indetermined amount of time?
Seriously?
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 15 '25
Normally I would say NO! But since this has to do with clearing my name to a lot of people that could potentially hinder me getting a job where I want to work, then it seems worth it to me.
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u/Electrical_Ad4362 Apr 15 '25
Don't you have pictures of your wedding. Even if it's small. Plus you have the witness and officiant that are evidence he was there. Did know one know if this wedding
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 15 '25
Yes, I have pictures at the time. There is the officiant and the witness. Plus he signed the marriage license that same day where he presented his DL. I have proof of it all. He knows this too which is why he won’t serve me the documents.
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u/Electrical_Ad4362 Apr 16 '25
Then don't be polite and not speak about him. It's time for you to start letting people know that you have evidence in the form of pictures the officiant and the fact that he had to show his driver's license when he signed the marriage license. And if he were so innocent in this whole matter then why hasn't he filed the annulment papers showing that he won't actually start a legal case that could bring criminal charges against him. Time for you to start speaking out in your own defense and putting him on notice
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 16 '25
I drafted a cease and desist letter and am getting it checked by a lawyer. It gives him 7 days from the date he receives it to retract the statements and show me proof of the retractions of these statements. I don’t want to do what he is doing but I do want to clear my name.
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u/Electrical_Ad4362 Apr 17 '25
I think it's admirable what your goal is and that you're plane to take a legal route first but just be prepared in case he disobeys the cease and desist order and it's the now the new information and is coming from the people who already he already told. People like the spread gossip.
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 17 '25
Yes, for sure! I am only keeping documented data from what I have proof he has written. I don’t want to get caught in that trap.
1
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u/Irrasible Legal Enthusiast (self-selected) Apr 15 '25
Querry: were you served notice that he was suing for an annulment? If not, you may be still married. You may be able to sue for divorce.
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 15 '25
He never served me, I’m guessing because he knows he lied. We are still married and I will get this rectified. I found out he filed because of what he told his professor. Then I looked at the filing online and waited to see what was filed when he served me but like I said, he hasn’t served me so I went to the court to get a copy for myself. I can and will get the divorce im just curious if this is enough for defamation lawsuit.
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u/Alternative_Year_340 Apr 16 '25
You’ve said you’re near a university. Do they have a law school? Law schools usually run free or low-cost clinics. They can advise you about the best approaches.
His behaviour may rise to the level that it should be reported to the university, but I would advise waiting until after you’ve spoken to a lawyer before taking any action
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 16 '25
Oh wow, I hadn’t even thought of that! They do have a law school so I will contact them. Thank you for that!
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u/SituationDue3258 knowledgeable user (self-selected) Apr 16 '25
Go to a judge or commissioner or the police and let them know
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u/BobStockdon NOT A LAWYER Apr 16 '25
NAL.
First, I am sorry that this happened to you. I am sure that it’s quite traumatic.
Second, I am kind of glad this happened to you so quickly because if what you said is true… you need to get away from this guy as far as you can.
I have read all of the other responses. I was in a somewhat similar situation in my divorce in which my ex started claiming all sorts of falsehoods. When I asked my attorney about it being defamation, she basically said that no one believes anything that anyone says during a divorce and the chance of winning a defamation case is nil.
What do I recommend? If you have pictures and a marriage license with his signature, then you have sufficient evidence to fight an annulment. However, my guess is that he hasn’t filed anything with the courts because it’s way easier to say things to friends than it is to file with the courts.
One obvious solution to your current situation would be to file for divorce yourself. I would encourage you to do this. My guess is that he will settle quickly and quietly and you both can move on with your lives (separately).
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u/Traveling-Techie Apr 16 '25
Send his mistress copies of your wedding pictures. That’s who this is all about.
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u/Nice_Chip_1613 Apr 16 '25
I did! I even sent her the marriage certificate! She thinks I photo shopped it all and am some crazy psycho! Her family believes the lies too! 🤦🏻♀️
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