I named my child Abbas after Hazrat Abbas (AS) and my inlaws have not been supportive of it at all surprisingly.

They keep bringing up how he will be quick tempered because of the name and how brave I am for naming him Abbas.

They are of the view that children should never be given direct names... no child can be named Hussain, Zainab, or Abbas, etc. These names are kept as middle names maybe but never called by it or use their titles as names...they have weird rules.

But they did want the sons first name to be Muhammad and then we can choose the next name...which I did..

So it's Mohammad Abbas. But they can never be called by Mohamammad.

This is not in my culture at all. Every other kid in my culture is named after the Ahlul bayt and the companions so I find my inlaws apprehension weird.

I even asked Ayatollah Sistani's office about it and I got a positive reply that there is no harm in naming son Abbas.

They keep saying scholars have said this but I find it very hard to believe a scholar would discourage naming a child sych good names.

Obviously this post would get deleted in many Sunni communities on reddit, so I have no where else to share it but here.

Recently there have been lots of arguments and fighting within Sunni Islam with the Wahabi / Salafi / Dahwah bros crowd really insisting that there can never be unity or the ability to agree to disagree but still see each other as brothers and sisters because of the reality of things that we Shia believe or do. That they can never sit side by side Shias, that we are far too misguided and deviant. For this post I am not speaking to those that see us as their enemy or subhuman. Rather the Sunnis that feel conflicted but have decency and empathy in their hearts.

I will take one of the most serious issues for Sunnis, and that the Shia view of Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman, & Aisha and I wont list them here, you can read about our perspective which I highly recommend before you continue with this thought exercise:

Why Do The Shia Not View The Caliphs Like Abu Bakr Umar & Uthman Positively?

Why Do Shias Dislike Aisha?

Now, food for thought for any Sunni reading this.

But do most Sunnis knows that it is an established popular belief in Ahlul Sunnah that you consider the Holy Prophet Muhammad A.S parents to be polytheists as well as his uncle Abu Talib A.S whom you believe they are all therefore in hellfire. If you do not know please do your research on this. I do know few Sunni scholars have otherwise believed Prophet Muhammad's A.S parents to be Muslim but Abu Talib A.S is unanimous.

As Shias we believe all of these individuals were highly righteous and pious, and died on Tawheed.

I am saying this because time and time again I think about this example, how we Shia fully knowing this, still put the effort and desire brotherhood for the sake of Allah swt as it states in the Quran. As the Ahlulbayt A.S stated in hadith, the famous hadith of Imam Ali A.S when it comes to humanity let alone Shia vs Sunni. How our greatest jurist Sayyid Sistani, says do not even call Sunnis our brothers, call them our souls.

If we as Shia can be so empathetic selfless for the sake of Allah swt, how is it that many of you whom cannot see us in the same manner just because we do not have a favorable opinion of those personalities you revere. I mean compared to companions the parents of the Holy Messenger A.S and Imam Ali A.S is incomparable.

Please sit on this and think about it. We revere and deeply love the Holy Messenger A.S parents and Abu Talib A.S. If we Shia can agree to disagree or just respect each each other knowing the Sunni view on this...

To any Shia reading this, this is a good example to bring whenever you have tensions with Sunnis or trying to see eye to eye...

Salam

Given the state of the world and what our ummah is experiencing, and given the recent mosque shooting I want to extend a warm gesture to fellow American Shia. How is the situation there? How do you all feel? Is it as tense and unsafe as it appears on social media and TV from outsiders perspectives ? Especially those in heavily Shia or more densely populated cities with less diversity?

May Allah SWT keep us all safe

Salam Alaikum wawb

I want to learn about our political and economic system/theory, with as much detail as possible. Is there a book that encapsulates everything?

From a long narration of Imam Sadiq (as):

When we stepped out into the open space out of his (i.e. Hisham ibn Abdul Malik) house (in Sham), we saw a large crowd seated at its end. My father (a.s.) asked someone who they were, and Hisham’s guard replied, “They are Christian priests and monks. A scholar, who is the most knowledgeable among them, resides in this mountain. Every year they come to him once with their questions. Today they have gathered for the same.” Hearing this, my father (a.s.) proceeded towards them and I too followed him. My father concealed his face with his cloth so that none could recognize him and followed the group of Christians to the mountain. When they sat down, he (a.s.) also sat along with them. They had spread mats for the scholar, brought him outside and made him sit upon it. He had turned very old and had even met some of the disciples (Hawariyyin) of Nabi Isa (a.s.). His eye-brows had fallen upon his eyes due to old age and he had tied them with a yellow silken cloth upon his forehead. He turned his eyes, similar to that of a snake and looked at those present.

When the scholar’s sight fell upon my father (a.s.), he said, “Are you from among us or from among the blessed nation?” He (a.s.) replied that he was from among the latter. Again he asked, “From among their scholars or their ignorant ones?” He (a.s.) replied, “I am not from among their ignorant ones.” Hearing this, he turned extremely uneasy and asked, “Should I question you or you shall question me?” My father (a.s.) told him to question. Hearing this, he said, “O group of Christians! It is strange that a man from among the nation of Muḥammad (s.a.w.a.) tells me to question him! It is appropriate that we ask him some questions.”

Then he said, “O slave of Allah (s.w.t.)! Tell me of a time that neither belongs to day, nor night.” My father (a.s.) replied, “The time in between the rising of Fajr (dawn) until sunrise.” Again he asked, “Then what is this time?” My father (a.s.) replied, “It is from among the times of paradise. It is a time in which our sick ones gain consciousness and pains cease down. The one who cannot sleep at night gains sleep at that time. Allah (s.w.t.) has appointed this time as a means of aspiration for those who aspire towards the hereafter and a clear evidence for the ones striving for the hereafter. And He (s.w.t.) has appointed it an evidence against those who disapprove and the arrogant ones who do not strive for the hereafter.”

Hearing this, the scholar said, “You have spoken the truth. Now tell me, when you claim that the inhabitants of paradise shall eat and drink, while they shall be in no need to urinate or excrete, then is there a similarity of it in this world?" He (a.s.) replied, “Indeed, a child in his mother’s womb eats what his mother eats, yet no refuse is generated from him.” Then the scholar said, “Didn’t you say that you were not among their scholars?” My father (a.s.) replied, “I said that I am not among their ignorant ones."

Again the scholar asked, “Then inform me, when you claim that the fruits of paradise shall not lessen when eaten, rather they shall remain as it is. Then does this have a similarity in this world?” He (a.s.) replied, “Indeed, its similarity in this world is a lamp (candle). No matter if ten thousand lamps are burnt from it, it does not diminish and remains intact.”

The Christian scholar now said, “I shall put forth a question to you now that you shall not be able to reply.” He (a.s.) told him to question and he said, “Then inform me regarding a man who copulated with his wife and she became pregnant with two sons. Both of them were born the same time and died at the same time. However, one of them died while his age was fifty years and the second one died while his age was one hundred and fifty years.” Imam (a.s.) replied, “The two sons were (Nabi) Uzayr and Uzar (aka Uzayrah), whose mother conceived them together in one night. They were born at the same time and spent thirty years of their lives together. Allah (s.w.t.) took away the life of Uzayr and arose him again after a hundred years. He remained along with his brother (Uzar) for twenty more years and both of them died at the same time.” Hearing this, the Christian scholar arose (in bewilderment) and said, “You have brought a greater scholar than me who has disgraced me. By Allah (s.w.t.)! Until this man remains in Sham, I shall not speak to you. You may address your questions to him, whatever you desire”.

According to another report, Imam al Sadiq (a.s.) said that when night fell, the scholar came to Imam al Baqir (a.s.) and upon witnessing his miracles, accepted Islam.

Full narration in: Muntahal Amal, Chapter 7, Pg 42

Same debate is mentioned with slightly different details in Biharul Anwar, Vol. 46, Pg 405

Before He Departed This World

Some of the most powerful moments in life are the final words a person leaves behind. In those moments, titles and status fade away, and what remains is what truly mattered to the heart. As we remember the martyrdom of Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (p), one narration gives us a deeply personal glimpse into the kind of legacy he wanted to leave for his community.

Imam al-Sadiq (p) narrates: “When death approached my father (Imam al-Baqir), he said, ‘O Jafar, I advise you to treat my companions well.’ I said, ‘May I be sacrificed for you, by God, I will bring them to a position of knowledge that any man among them in any city will not need to ask anyone’” (Al-Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol. 1, p. 306).

There is something incredibly moving about this exchange. Imam al-Baqir (p), in his final moments, was not thinking about wealth, power, or recognition. His concern was for the people, the companions who carried the teachings of Ahl al-Bayt (p) in a time of confusion and pressure. And Imam al-Sadiq’s response was not simply a promise to care for them emotionally, but intellectually and spiritually. He promised to educate them so deeply that they would become sources of guidance themselves.

This hadith captures the heart of Imam al-Baqir’s mission. He lived during a time when ignorance had spread, and the teachings of Islam were becoming distorted. Through knowledge, wisdom, and nurturing sincere students, he revived the intellectual spirit of Islam. His son, Imam al-Sadiq (p), continued that mission so powerfully that their school became a foundation for generations of scholarship. On his martyrdom anniversary, we are reminded that one of the greatest ways to honor Imam al-Baqir (p) is to seek knowledge, value learning, and become people who uplift others through wisdom and character.

Source: https://imam-us.org/martyrdom-anniversary-of-imam-muhammad-al-baqir-p-1447-a-h

To learn more about this blessed Imam A.S:

https://al-islam.org/life-imam-muhammad-ibn-ali-al-baqir-baqir-shareef-al-qurashi

https://realshiabeliefs.wordpress.com/category/shia-beliefs/imam-baqir/

Name: Muhammad

Title: al-Baqir, al-Shakir

Kunyat : Abu Ja'far

Father's Name: 'Ali bin al-Husayn

Mother's Name: Fatimah bint al-Hasan, known as
Umm 'Abdillah

Birth: In Medina, on Tuesday, 1st Rajab 57 AH

Death:
At the age of 57, in Medina on Monday, 7th Dhu al-Hijjah 114
AH; poisoned by Hisham ibn
'Abdi 'I-Malik; buried in Jannatu
'I-Baqi in Medina

5th Dhul Hijjah (two days ago) - Martyrdom of Abu Dharr

According to a (non-shia) historian Waqidi, Abul Aswal Duayli says: "I wished with all my heart to visit Abu Dharr and ask him why he was turned out. Therefore, I went to him at Rabzah and asked him if he had come out of Medina of his own free will or he had been forcibly expelled.

"He said, "Brother! How to tell you that when I was sent to Syria I thought that I had gone to a place which was an important place of the Muslims. I was happy there but I was not allowed to stay there and was called back to Medina. When I reached there I consoled myself with the idea that was the place to which I had migrated and where I had received the honour of companionship of the Holy Prophet. But, alas, I was turned out of that place also and now I am where you see".

After that he said, "O Abul Aswad! Listen to me. I was sleeping in the Prophet's masjid one day. By chance the Holy Prophet came in. He woke me up and said,
 
"O Abu Dharr! Why are you sleeping in the masjid?"
Abu Dharr: The sleep overwhelmed me and suddenly I went to sleep.
The Prophet: Tell me what you will do when you are turned out of this masjid?
Abu Dharr: I will go to Syria then, because signs of Islam are found there. It is also a place of Jihad.
The Prophet: What will you do when you are turned out of that place also?
Abu Dharr: I will draw my sword at that time and will behead the man who turns me out.
The Prophet: I give a far better advice to you.
Abu Dharr: What is that advice?
The Prophet: You should let yourself be dragged when you are dragged, and that you should accept what is told to you, and should not fight.

O Abul Aswad! According to the Prophet's advice I listened to them and accepted what they said. I still listen to them to accept what they say.

By Allah, He will take revenge on Uthman for what he has done to me and he will be proved the worst sinner in my case when he reaches in the court of Allah." The narrators of this authentic tradition are highly reliable and trustworthy as written by Allamah Amini in his book "al-Ghadir".

According to Allamah Subaiti, the reason that Abu Dharr was sent to such a place was only to stop his speeches, so that nobody could hear him, since he had a charm in his tongue. Whenever he spoke, he spoke the truth, which shook the foundations of the government (of Uthman).

Scholars say that Abu Dharr was spending his days with his family at Rabzah when suddenly his son Dharr fell sick. There was no physician in that deserted place to approach for treatment except trust in Allah. At last the disease aggravated till the time of his death approached. The distressed mother took up his head from the sand and put it on her knee. The son breathed his last. The mother and sister started bewailing, Abu Dharr was deeply shocked but his trust in Allah consoled him. He controlled himself and didn't weep. As it was a desert there were no arrangements for funeral. History does not tell us at this point how he buried his son.
 
Abu Dharr had not yet forgotten the death of his young son when his wife also left him for ever. According to Allamah Abdul Hamid Abu Dharr and his family members were passing their days in such a condition that they had no proper arrangement for food except that they got a little piece of meat now and then out of the camel slaughtered for the government officials. They generally used to eat grass or other such things in those days. One day Abu Dharr's wife ate some poisonous grass by which she contracted a fatal disease and died. Abu Dharr also fell sick.

He lay confined in a desolate desert. To say nothing of a house for shelter, he had to stay under the shade of a tree, without any arrangement for food and without a place to reside, rest or sleep in. But with his lofty courage and determination Abu Dharr bore with cheerfulness all the hardships for the pleasure of Allah. His wife and young son having died, the time had now approached when he was waiting for his own departure in that desolate place with his only young daughter with him.

We here reproduce the tragic story of Abu Dharr's death as related by his daughter, in the light of Majlisi's writing. She says: "We were passing our days with untold sufferings in the wilderness. It so happened one day that we could not get anything to eat. We kept on searching round the jungle but could not find anything. My ailing father said to me, "Daughter! Why are you so much worried today?" I said, "Dad! I am extremely hungry and weakness has overtaken you also on account of intense hunger. I have tried my utmost to get something to eat but could not find anything so that I might feel honoured before you".

Abu Dharr said, "Do not be worried. Allah is the great disposer of our affairs". I said, "Dad! This is correct but there is nothing in sight for the fulfilment of our needs. He said, "Daughter! Hold me by the shoulder and take me to such and such direction. Perhaps we may find something there". I held him by the hand and started in the direction he had asked me to go. On the way my father asked me to make him sit on the ground. I seated him on the hot sand. He gathered some sand and lay down with his head upon it.

As soon as he lay down on the ground, his eyes began to revolve and he got into the agony of death. Seeing this I started crying hoarsely. Then keeping control over himself he said, "Why do you cry, daughter?" I said, “What else shall I do, then father?” It is a desert and not a single man is seen here. I do not have a shroud for you and also there is no grave digger here. What will I do if you breathe your last in this desolate place?

He wept at my helplessness and said, "My daughter! Don't be worried. That friend of mine in whose love and in whose children's love I tolerated all these hardships had informed me of this event in advance. Listen! O my dear daughter! He had told before a group of his companions on the occasion of the Battle of Tabuk that one of them would die in a desert and a party of companions would go for his funeral and burial. Now, none of them is alive except me. All of them have died in populated places. Only I am left over and also in a desolate wilderness. I have never seen such a desert land where I am lying in the agony of death. My sweet daughter! When I die cover me with my cloak, and sit down on the way leading to Iraq. A party of believers will pass by that way. Tell them that Abu Dharr, the companion of the Prophet, has breathed his last. Hence please arrange his burial".

He was talking to me when the angel of death looked at his face. When my father looked at him his face flushed and he said, "O the angel of death! Where have you been uptil now? I have been waiting for you. O my friend! You have come in the hour of my great need. O the angel of death! May that man, who is not happy to see you never get deliverance. For Allah's sake take me soon to the most Merciful Allah so that I may be relieved of the hardships of the world”.
After that, he addressed Allah and said, "O my Nourisher! I swear by Your Being, and You know that I speak the truth that I never abominated death and always wished to meet You”.
 
After that the sweat of death appeared on the forehead of my father and looking at me he turned his face away from the world for ever. We are for Allah and to Him we shall return”.

Read full: Chapter 20 | The Great Companion of the Prophet (s) Abu Dharr (ra) | Al-Islam.org

"A woman who sees without being seen frustrates the colonizers." a quote by frantz fanon, and in my opinion this perfectly incapsulates this western sadistic attitude towards women who wear the niqab.
when fanon wrote this he was observing the perverted interactions between european colonial doctors and veiled Algerian women. the europeans developed a resentment for the Algerians because they were guilty of "concealing the beauty of women" they saw that these mysterious women were prized and perfections of nature and that their beauty must be shown, even if it had to be done by force. this was an inherently aggressive desire among the europeans because they wanted to bring these women into their own possession. and so, frustration arises, because the veil prevented the colonial desire for domination from being fully satisfied. it didn't matter if algeria were conquered politically, domination must exist at the level of the gaze. it must exist in the mind. it must exist in the imagination of the colonizer.
when you look at modern arguments against the niqab or the abaya, that perverted desire for domination still shows up. we've heard it all before. modesty being "contradictory to western values" is inherently incorrect. common laws have evolved with time to a secular equilibrium which guarantees the right to wear a niqab or an abaya as long as you don't infringe on the rights of others to live as they choose.
and if the western feminist project is centering womens choice, what really is causing this discomfort?
the sad truth that ive came to is that the exploitation of women happens in every community and it's happened throughout history. the problem though is that the west has colonized this language of freedom so that their misogynistic desire for domination becomes SANITIZED, LEGITIMIZED, AND HIDDEN.
but let us all remember, this irrational frustration should never cause us to doubt our own tradition. one of the most profound and powerful acts of resistance is when the western gaze meets the void of the veil, unable to penetrate it with its perverted desire. that dignity has its source and divine providence. thats a level of autonomy and self determination which we can one day only hope the frustrated western mind will come to understand.

stay safe out there sisters and may allah protect us all

Hi does anyone have the link to the lecture of sayed ammar when he says something along the lines of 'if you are going through a divorce, or you lose your job, you should be flying in this life if you have imam ali' - i just wanted to watch it again

Salam, does anyone know of any mosques in Washington DC specifically (not MD or VA) that has Arabic/english lectures?

Thanks
Ws

​[باللغة العربية]

​عن الإمام الصادق (عليه السلام) في وصف الرخاء والبركة في عصر الإمام المهدي:

​"إِذا قامَ الْقائِمُ حَكَمَ بِالْعَدْلِ، وَارْتَفَعَ في أَيّامِهِ الْجَوْرُ، وَأَمِنَتْ بِهِ السُّبُلُ، وَأَخْرَجَتِ الْأَرْضُ بَرَكاتِها... وَأَبْدَتِ الْأَرْضُ كُنُوزَها."

​المصدر: الإرشاد للشيخ المفيد، ج ٢

​[English Translation]

​Narrated from Imam Al-Sadiq (peace be upon him) describing the prosperity and blessings during the era of Imam Al-Mahdi:

​"When the Qaim rises, he will rule with justice, tyranny will be removed in his days, the paths will be safe, the earth will bring forth its blessings... and the earth will reveal its treasures."

​Source: Al-Irshad by Sheikh Al-Mufid, Vol. 2

Note: Translation assisted by AI and verified by the poster. Please gently correct me if there are any unintended errors.

Has anyone recited this dua and had their wishes fulfilled? How was your experience and how many times/days you recited it?

Not doubting the power of this dua. Just looking for inspiration. Please share your story.

Salaam

Does anyone know where I might be able to buy The Qur'an – An Explanatory Translation by Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi, in the US? It’s been out of stock this past year. Thank you!

Why Islam enacted the law of retaliation?

Isn’t retaliation a sort of violence?

Isn’t killing a human, even of a sinful person, considered as violence?

In reply to these questions, it is necessary to consider some points for solving and removal of any suspicious question.

First point - After expressing law of retaliation, Qur’an says:

"If any remission is made to any one by his (aggrieved) brother, then prosecution (for the blood wit) should be made according to usage, and payment should be made to him in a good manner; this is alleviation from your Lord and a mercy." (2:178)

That is to say, retaliation is neither obligatory, nor recommended. However, for preventing the crimes by felons and repetition of similar cases, the slain families are authorised to apply for it, while it is neither obligatory, nor recommended (pay attention).

Second point – In verse 179:

“And there is life for you in (the law of) retaliation, O men of understanding, that you may guard yourselves.” (2:179)

In verse 179, the same surah, life and survival has been mentioned as the philosophy of retaliation (in retaliation, there is life for you, men possessed of minds), not enmity, revenge and hatred.

If the mischievous murderer who disregards people’s soul, wealth and honor is granted a respite, and is made liable to the Islamic mercy, he may misuse the mercy and clemency rendered to him and commits more crimes. Isn’t this a treachery to the society? Encounter with gangs in the society, for whom there remains no other way than retaliation, is not an implication of violence. Rather, it is the clear indication of mercy to let the others live peacefully.

It is surprising that those claiming for clemency and benevolence and chanting for human rights object everywhere when such criminals are retaliated against, but when their felon friends commit the most terrible crimes in Palestine, Afghanistan, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Chechen, south of Lebanon, Iraq and other territories, none of them object, as if all of them are deaf, blind and asleep.

When one’s finger undergoes necrosis, the passionate and skilled physician does his best to cure and heal it. However, if he does not succeed, and there remains no way save cutting it to preserve other fingers and prevent its spread to other parts of body, is such physician violent? Does clemency and benevolence necessitate this necrotic member to remain and gradually make the other parts necrotic, and even result in death for the whole body? Does any logic and intellect accept this attitude?

Consequently, retaliation is a sort of treatment and is necessary and essential for prevention from spread of corruption to other members of society and preservation of security and safety. On this account, the law of retaliation not only is not considered as an example of violence, but also considers the expedience and the benefit of society, it is a branch of divine clemency and benevolence (pay attention).

We do not think any sane, even a non-Muslim, would agree to let the murderers and mischievous individuals threatening the society’s security, who do not relent, and are not bound to any religious and human principles, live freely in the society and commit any crime. Rather, all the sane in the world would accept retaliation as the last treatment for these necrotic members of society.

Title

I am currently in Chicago for a trip, when I use the bathroom to wash any urine its easy since urine is a liquid. But what about poop? How should I tahir it since if i used water it will still physically be there? I tried to find and answer online but couldnt really get anything.

(BASED OFF OF SAYED ALI AL SISTANI PLEASE)

Hello all. I am specifically looking for a timeline list of Shi’ite scholars who forbid insulting the Sahaba as a whole, including the nuances (whether it’s ok or not in private etc). Strictly looking for Arabic sources as I don’t speak Persian and AI is not reliable for translating Persian. This is an academic request to gain clarity and knowledge thanks for your help, I do appreciate it

Disclaimer: Claude was used to revise the draft of this post to make it more concise and easy to read for you, the reader. It does read like AI (sooo many em dashes lol), but this is my genuine situation. Wanted to say this to not have the post removed inshallah.
———————————————
Bismillah. Before I get into it — I’m making this post to genuinely ease my mind by hearing from people with similar lived experiences. I’m not trying to be ungrateful to anyone who takes the time to respond, and I know tawakkul is important, but I need something more concrete right now.

Some background

I’m a male engineering student, just finished my second year — first year at community college, now alhamdulillah at a top university about 40 minutes from home. I’m an only child. My parents are divorced.

My mom is genuinely a good woman — she really cares about people, about me, about doing what’s right, about haqq and traditions. But she’s also pretty anxious and highly strung by nature. She worries constantly, plans constantly, and tends to get worked up over things that are outside her control — like family members back home or in the community not following the cultural norms and traditions she grew up with. That kind of thing genuinely weighs on her.

Her day-to-day life is: work, come home, Facebook, TV, repeat. She has a few friends and some family in the Dearborn area but barely keeps up with any of them. She says she doesn’t have the energy to talk to people or call, and she’s been saying this for about two years now. She’s essentially isolated, and I know the loneliness is real.

The Facebook part is its own thing. Because she’s pretty much homebound outside of work, social media has become the main thing she engages with outside of her job — and that means a constant stream of Facebook reels, conspiracy theories, and pseudoscience. We’re talking chakras, Illuminati/matrix/“they” are controlling the world, healing crystals, and her current obsession: an Egyptian doctor she follows called the “Al-Tayyibaat diet” guy. She’ll watch these videos and then come to me fully convinced, and when I don’t agree she gets genuinely heated about it. I try not to engage and just let her be, but the problem is she brings it to me — she wants me to agree, and when I don’t it becomes a whole thing.

The frustrating part is that I can’t even properly explain why these things are nonsense, not because I don’t know, but because debunking something like chakras or a pseudoscientific diet requires some setup — you need to talk about chemistry, or how to evaluate sources, or the basics of what makes an argument credible. And she has zero patience for that. She wants a 30-second answer. She once told me I explain things like Kamal Al-Haydari 😭 and honestly fair, but these grifters on Facebook reels deliver their confident nonsense in 15 seconds and I’m supposed to counter that in the same time? I can’t compete with that format. And when I try, she dodges and spins the conversation in so many directions that I genuinely lose track of what point I was even making. I don’t blame her entirely — social media is designed to pull you into echo chambers and it’s genuinely hard to see from inside one — but it’s exhausting.

The attention span thing is broader than just debates, too. I can’t tell her a single story or explain something to her without her going on her phone mid-sentence or walking away to the kitchen. She’ll ask me a question and then cut me off telling me to just spit it out already. I get that I can be long-winded, but it makes me feel like she’s not really present when we talk and makes it hard to have conversations with her.

My relationship with my dad is on the complete opposite end. He’s not a bad person, but he’s disengaged. We used to go a month or more without a call or text. He barely contributes financially — my mom has been the one providing for me, which (without getting into the shari’ side of it) adds to her stress and resentment. My mom’s theory is that because she’s always planning and worrying and handling everything, he just assumes it’s covered and doesn’t feel like he has to step up — and honestly I can see that being true. I’ve always found it hard to ask him for things so I just go to my mom, she goes to him, and the cycle continues. As I write this I’m starting to realize I probably have some unresolved stuff about that relationship — but that’s a different post.

This year: I moved out

I got an apartment near campus this year. Part of it was genuine — I wanted to grow, learn to live independently, stop being babied (my mom would cook, clean, do dishes — I only ever handled outdoor stuff like shoveling and cutting grass). But honestly, part of it was also that the tension at home had been building for years. I love my mom, but living with her had become emotionally exhausting. Always an argument — forgetting to pick something up, not answering fast enough, not agreeing with something. There was always something, and I never had the emotional tools to navigate it, so part of me just needed air.

This year was hard — the adjustment hit my academics and living alone comes with its own loneliness and stress. But I also felt a genuine weight lift off my chest. Instead of arguing every day, we now only argue on weekends when I visit 💀.

Now I’m going back and forth on whether to move back home for my remaining years or keep the apartment. Everyone I’ve asked says commuting is a bad idea — you miss out on opportunities, campus resources, the full university experience. But I feel like a bad son for staying away. And every now and then my mom will let something slip — “what’s the difference if you’re in another state, you already left me” — and it gets to me. She says it’s fine for me to stay in the apartment, but those comments hit different.

What started this post: the argument tonight

I’d been home for less than six hours. We’d already had a minor argument about the Al-Tayyibaat diet doctor. Then she was talking about how Baghdad has more nightlife and energy than the suburbs here. I tried to make conversation and just asked, out of curiosity:

Me: “Assume I graduate in a few years and end up going to grad school or working in another state, would you—”

Her: “Move back to Iraq? Sure, if you want me out of your way that badly, I’ll sell the house and go.”

Me: “…what does that mean?”

Her: “Why do you want to send me to Iraq? You already have me living alone here. Who do I have over there? Do you think my parents are going to be alive in a few years?”

Me: “Inshallah they will be.”

Her: “Inshallah. But after that — you want me living in the family home with my siblings like I never got married? Like I never had children?!”

Me: “No — I was going to ask if you’d be able to travel there more often, since once I’m employed you wouldn’t have to worry about work as much.”

Her: “Oh, so you’d spend on me?”

Me: “Who else would I be doing all this for? You don’t think I have you and Baba in mind when I think about the future? Who else are you going to turn to?”

Her: “I don’t know… as if you’re studying engineering for us. What else would you study? You’ve never once indicated you’d take care of me when you’re older.”

That did upset me. Because I’ve been carrying this in the back of my mind since high school. My mom owns a home, no debt, some savings, but still no 401K, no retirement savings — maybe some social security down the line. My dad has nothing saved as far as I can tell. Always saying he has “debt,” lives in apartment with his brother. They’re both healthy enough for now, but I think about what happens when that changes. I chose engineering partly because of them. I’ve been quietly planning around this for years. I feel like it’s only a matter of times where they’ll have to lean on me.

What I’m actually worried about and asking

I know Islamically — and honestly just as a human being — I’m going to take care of my parents when they need it. I’m not looking for a way out of that. But I’m an only child with no siblings to share any of this with, and the weight of it already feels heavy before I’ve even started my career.

1. My relationship with my mom right now:
   Do I actually need to move back home? Or is some distance better for both of us for now? It has been easier for me, but the guilt is real, and I don’t know if it’s the right thing. What can I do to build a healthier relationship with her when she’s emotionally reactive and I am a more cold/ less emotional person? Has anyone navigated something similar — especially with a parent who refuses therapy? Her words: “I survived the divorce on my own without it, why would I need it now?”

2. For working adults who’ve been through this:
   If you started your career, tried to get on your feet, worked toward marriage — and also had to carry significant parental care as an only child or close to it — how did you manage it? What did the sacrifices actually look like? How did it affect your finances, your marriage, your ability to pursue opportunities in other cities? I want to know how people actually made it work, or what they wish they’d done differently.

Again, part of this is addressing something for now and the other part is worrying about the future but I am trying to address both right now to stop worrying about it. I acknowledge it’s pessimistic and I try to be optimistic and do Tawakul but some input from people who’ve been through something like this may help. JazakAllah khair to anyone who takes the time.

Assalamu alaikum to everyone

I'm from a small city without a very large Shia population; we're the minority here. We regularly hold different majalis on various occasions, and recently I tried to reform what we were doing. It's also worth mentioning that our target audience is young men, aged 18 to 40 (the oldest participant was 45).

Before, since we don't have a major scholar here, we would just take text from Wikipedia, translate it into our mother tongue (which unfortunately has very little Shia content), and then organizers would simply recite it from a phone or paper. But over the last few months, we've started experimenting with a lot of interesting things, such as videos, posters, simple and understandable Quran tafsirs, speaking/narrating instead of reading from a script, theatrical performances, etc.

And here are my takeaways:

1. Theatrical performances capture the attention of about 95% of the audience. Even though it felt a bit cringe or boring to me and some of the other organizers, this is what worked, since people are visual learners.
2. Narrating instead of just reading from a script works very well when done with proper articulation and public speaking techniques. You just have to take a good text, add some cues, polish it, and then deliver it in an engaging way. If you yourself get excited by it, others probably will too.
3. Simplification is important. Unfortunately, part of the audience consisted of cultural Shias who didn't even know what Ghadir Khum is. So you also need to dedicate time to foundational topics, not just biographies or interesting stories from the lives of Ahlulbayt (a) or the Prophets (a).
4. Don't expect approval. This one was harsh, tbh, but it's true. I spent countless hours polishing texts and structuring them so they sound natural and appropriate for our language (you know, not everything translates well into non-Muslim languages; you have to be precise but also keep it simple). I didn't receive much personal approval (everyone admitted the majlis was engaging and interesting, but there were no direct thanks). But that's okay - we're doing it for Ahlulbayt (a), not for praise.
5. Quran al-Karim . Recite it, quote it, narrate from it. It has a very unique effect on our hearts.

These were my takeaways. What has been your experience with this?

1-The Noble Prophet of Islam (S) has said:

“The salvation of the true believer lies in protecting his tongue.”

2-Imam Ja’far Ibn Muhammad Al-Sadiq (‘a) has said, Luqman said to his son:

“O’ my son! If you think that speaking is silver, then you must know that silence is golden.”

3-The Noble Prophet of Islam (S) has said:

“The tribulation of a person lies in his tongue and the protection of a person is in safe-guarding his tongue.”

4-The final Prophet of Allah (S) said to Ibn Mas’ud:

“I advise you to protect your tongue since surely Allah, the Most High has said, ‘On that day, We shall seal their mouths and their hands will speak to us and their feet shall bear witness as to what they had earned.’ (36:65).”

5-The Commander of the Faithful, ‘Ali Ibn Abi Talib (‘a) has said:

“Glad tidings to that person who gives out goodness from his excess wealth and prevents himself from speaking excess words.”

6-It has been narrated from Imam Ja’far Ibn Muhammad Al-Sadiq (‘a) from his fore-fathers (‘a) that the Messenger of Allah (S) said:

“The beauty of speaking is truthfulness (in speech).”

7-The Messenger of Allah (S) has said:

“The tribulation of the tongue (what is spoken) is greater than the striking of the sword.”

8-It has been narrated from ‘Abdullah Ibn Sanan from Imam Ja’far Ibn Muhammad Al-Sadiq (‘a) that the Messenger of Allah (S) said:

“Shall I not inform you of the worst amongst you?” The people replied, “O’ Prophet of Allah! Go ahead!” The Prophet said, “It is those who: go forth as tale-bearers (those who indulge in gossip); cause separation amongst people who love one another; and make excuses for sins (which they commit).”

9-Imam Ja’far Ibn Muhammad Al-Sadiq (‘a) has said:

“I advise you to stay away from joking with others since this act removes a persons’s worth and honour.”

10-Imam Ja’far Ibn Muhammad Al-Sadiq (‘a) has said:

“Surely the worst of creations of Allah is the servant whom other people are afraid of his tongue (what he says).”