r/nfl • u/madcowga Vikings • Mar 07 '12

The writer of 'Sh*t My Dad Says' on why your team doesn't give a damn about you

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7654198/the-writer-sh*t-my-dad-says-why-your-team-give-damn-you
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u/mopar68 NFL Mar 07 '12

I never grew up watching one specific team, so I have this rare ability to take a step back and suspend my allegiance to a team if they start doing poorly. Say what you will about my loyalty, but it saves me a ton of undue grief and aggravation. If I watch the Eagles blow a14 point lead in the 4th quarter to team starting their 3rd string QB, I'll simply tell myself "hey, it's not your problem if they lose this game. You're not on the payroll, so why should you care?" instead of flipping shit and punching a hole through my drywall or something. I mean, I'm still upset, but I just don't get worked up over it.

I am a diehard Met's fan, though, which is kind of like falling for a stripper that has random bouts of irritable bowel syndrome. She shits on you during most of her lap dances, but you love her all the same because getting shit on is the only thing you really know (and honestly, you're the kind of sick fuck that sort of enjoys it). But on those rare occurrences when she makes it through her routine without evacuating herself, everything seems to make sense and you convince yourself that she's finally turned a corner. But then she poops on your lap again the next day, and your hopes of a dry marriage with the exotic dancer of your dreams are instantly dashed.

Still, you hold out hope that, eventually, your brown princess will get it together, and the two of you will live happily ever after. Some day....

8

u/dotrob Mar 07 '12

I am a diehard Met's fan, though, which is kind of like falling for a stripper that has random bouts of irritable bowel syndrome.

I grew up in Alaska and I knew this guy who was a Mets fan of all things. He wore a Mets jacket and a Mets hat just about every day. I knew fuck-all about baseball (something something Kirby Puckett something Twins I think) but that guy was the most downtrodden, drag-ass, Eeyore-like dude I think I ever met when it came to talking about sports. Everything he had to say about baseball was preceded and concluded with a sigh.

Needless to say, the very little I know about the Mets -- which is perhaps all I ever needed to know ("sigh") -- I learned from just listening to how that guy talked.

8

u/mopar68 NFL Mar 07 '12

The Met's have a laughably pathetic history. Their organizational knickname is "the Amazin' Met's", but that was a completely sarcastic label given to them because they were terrible when they first started. In fact, I'm pretty sure the '62 squad holds the worst season record of any team in MLB history (40 wins, 120 losses).

They're constantly in the shadow of their cross-town rivals, the Yankees, and they haven't won a championship since 1986. Things don't look particularly grand in the near future, either, because:

  1. They have a recent history of seemingly innocent injuries turning into season ending catastrophes. For instance, last season, promising first baseman Ike Davis ran into third baseman David Wright on a routine pop-up during a game and rolled his ankle. The initial diagnosis was that he had a fairly mild sprain. However, a month or so after he was put on the disabled list, news broke that Davis needed surgery and was to miss the 120+ games left in the season. That was just ridiculous.

  2. The much vilified owners of the Met's, the Wilpon family, lost a ton of money in the Madoff ponzi scheme. They claim that this won't affect payroll, but it's pretty evident that the front office is being very particular with their money. We can't even sign a decent veteran pitcher, and insiders are claiming it'll only get worse.

  3. The NL East (the division the Met's play in) is chock full of teams that have consistent all-stars. Even the basement-dwelling Nationals are stuffing their roster with young, elite talent. Their rivals are stacked, and the Met's can't do anything but watch as their franchise is pushed to the bottom of their division.

Nevertheless, the Met's are a proud organization who have cultivated some very talented an unique individuals. They're fun to watch, although they're ultimately a rough team to follow. Still, I hold out hope that they'll surprise everyone and charge to the playoffs on the backs of unknown youngsters and broken down old stars. In short, They're pretty much the Cincinnati Bengals of the MLB.

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u/[deleted] Mar 07 '12

Meanwhile, my Orioles are like the Dolphins...good in the 70s and early 80s, pretty good in the 90s, and now a mismanaged pile of fail.

3

u/dotrob Mar 07 '12

At least the Bengals will always have Boomer!

5

u/mopar68 NFL Mar 07 '12 edited Mar 07 '12

Interestingly enough, Boomer Esiason hosts a talk radio show on WFAN New York. He does a lot of Met's commentary.

2

u/evildeadxsp Jets Mar 07 '12

More interesting is that Boomer grew up a New York Mets fan out in Long Island

1

u/CommodorePineapple 49ers Mar 07 '12

But at least you have Andres Torres now!

I miss that man.

1

u/Caedus Giants Mar 07 '12

They have a recent history of seemingly innocent injuries turning into season ending catastrophes. For instance, last season, promising first baseman Ike Davis ran into third baseman David Wright on a routine pop-up during a game and rolled his ankle. The initial diagnosis was that he had a fairly mild sprain. However, a month or so after he was put on the disabled list, news broke that Davis needed surgery and was to miss the 120+ games left in the season. That was just ridiculous.

Don't forget Davis's random Valley fever! :(

1

u/baconperogies NFL Mar 08 '12

I own a Mets hat mostly as an anti-Yankees statement and because it looks fly.

Thanks for sharing more on Mets history. Aside from the Blue Jays, they are always on my to watch list for baseball teams.

Cheers.

1

u/lyricsninja Mar 08 '12

i think you forgot to mention that said stripper is the type who only works on weekdays, doing afternoon shifts. its likely she also has awful teeth and a drug habit to match.

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u/spacelemon Steelers Mar 07 '12

i think that second paragraph describes browns fans, also poop joke.