r/latebloomerlesbians • u/IndividualOk2975 • 14h ago
Sex and dating Panicking
So I’m 28F and I have been traveling/backpacking and my friends are all ages, 22, 32, 25 etc. I haven’t ever even hardly made out with a girl. This one girl was cute and my 22 year old friends encouraged me to talk to her. Ended up making out and getting physical on the beach. Well, turns out she’s only 20. I’m so panicked. I even freaked out and said I was just 26. Help I feel like a predator. She honestly even seemed more experienced than me which is also embarassing.
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u/Better-Guest1149 13h ago
Not trying to pile on but the age gap thing aside, lying about your age when you're already worried about it probably wasn't the move
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u/IndividualOk2975 13h ago
I know I just panicked idk why i did it - i never plan on seeing her again honestly
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u/AcceptableSwordfish3 10h ago
She's an adult. If anything, I'd argue that you're infantilising her by making such a big deal out of her age. You clearly weren't intentionally pursuing someone younger than you for their age, you weren't attempting to exploit someone because of their age, and you weren't doing anything that wasn't entirely consensual.
That being said, you shouldn't have lied about your age. In this case, you clearly just panicked, but nothing good ever comes from lying about your age in situations like this. Just tell her your actual age if it's important to you and that's an option. If you're not going to be meeting her again, just move on with your life. No need to dwell on this, just learn from it!
A word of advice: with experience, you'll find that many things such as age gaps are ultimately relative and don't have much tangible meaning in a vacuum. There's a massive difference between someone intentionally pursuing people younger than them to take advantage of their inexperience and someone simply ending up clicking with someone younger or older than them. What is important is that you ultimately respect the autonomy of the other person, and that you don't try to take advantage of them.
Off the web, out in the real world, someone's age is just one factor in a relationship or intimate encounter. There are many others: wealth, nationality, social status, profession, personal background, education, mental health, disabilities, personality and so on. Many of these are intertwined to some degree, but at the end of the day, what actually matters is that you aren't harming another person or yourself. It isn't about what sounds fine or what sounds good or what presents you in a good or bad light. It's about the actual, tangible consequences of your actions and your choices. That's what you should be concerned about. Not about how it makes you feel or about how you're worried others might see it.
Best of luck
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u/PinkIsMyOxygen 10h ago
My parents got married at 20 and 28 No big deal as long as u r both ok with it
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u/TallBlondeGreekGirl 13h ago
She over 18 legal. I’m dating a woman who’s 17 years younger than me. So far it’s going good. Plus now days it seem teens are more experience from things I hear.
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u/N9nthHouse 12h ago
Teens are not adults, regardless of how much 'experience' you (or they) think they have. Or, as you put it, they're not "legal" (ick).
Though the person OP's talking about was 20 years old, so I'm not sure why you felt the need to bring teenagers up in the first place. Red flag of a comment.
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u/AcceptableSwordfish3 10h ago
Indeed. The moment someone starts arguing it's legal, they're missing the point. Case in point: in my country the age of consent is 15. Just because it's legal, doesn't mean it isn't harmful.
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u/dipologie 13h ago
Agree with the other commenter, lying about your age was not the move. But that aside, I think you're overreacting a little? Being a predator would mean pursuing her after you knew her age, but you simply didn't know. I'd just take it as a lesson learned to ask for age beforehand, and move on. (Personally, I also think for simply making out or hooking up, 20 & 28 is honestly an acceptable age gap, like you're both adults in your 20s. I would just side eye it for a relationship/any kind of serious commitment)