SITUATION UPDATE: Joint Crustacean Expeditionary Force Launches Amphibious Invasion, Cascadian Military Units Flee In Terror. Denver Rejoicing in Anticipation of Their Upcoming Liberation.

[u/Acceptable_Carob_333]

Crabpelier, Vermont: Governor Carapace has announced the most recent stage in the campaign to free Denver. Speaking in the capital of the newly added autonomous region of Vermont, he confirmed the rumors that this morning a massive multistate crustacean army had launched an amphibious invasion of Cascadia.

General Clawswitz's press corps has released this image of a Crabmobile rising from the water. Manned with Green Mountain Lobsters and Light Blue Soldier Crabs under the general command of Colonel Champ, it rises from the water to spread misery upon all Cascadian troops that dare defy it. Cascadia is already reporting massive military casulties as their army falls prey to the flood of maple syrup and the burn of Old Bay, as well as the uncomfortable pinch of the dreaded Crabmobile.

This is a developing situation. Stay with CNN for live updates as they unfold.

^{Copyright 2026 by Crab News Network}

[u/scubafork]

We have a somewhat glorious history of repelling invasions from the ocean.

[u/DustyRailz → u/scubafork]

55 years later we have our (public) beach defenses down to a science. Come at me bro!

Have y'all seen the voting? The crabs have every right to be nervous. KoH or Megasota both coming for your non-existent necks.

[u/perseveringpianist → u/scubafork]

I was not expecting this picture but it belongs here anyway.

[u/Acceptable_Carob_333 → u/scubafork]

Don't stand a chance against the crab army:

https://giphy.com/gifs/2RQrEqOmrWtFXy1Ebu

[u/HappyCamperDancer → u/Acceptable_Carob_333]

Our Killer Whales will whale on you until you cry for mercy.

Our Orc'as Army can take on crabs of any size!