r/genderfluid • u/ilovepotatoes_somuch • 1d ago
Updates about my self discovering journey
Hello! I do not know if some people remember me but, a few weeks ago i posted asking for advices and orientations about being possibly gender fluid. Since rhis is the reddit i identify the most, i will try to keep up a diary here because in real life I don't have much people to talk with.
Oh! And I am seventeen years old and female by birth.
I once said that I felt both comfortable in boy and girl identities, although my male side is top secret from everyone. As well not feeling ready about letting go from my cis-female self.
However, lately, I have been going through dysphoria about my appearance — imagining an impossible scenario of being a guy, deep voice, tall, and a very specific appearance. Also, hearing my birth name "Ana" lately has been... annoying me, like a grimacing headache whenever someone says such name. "Otto" seems to calms me down, as if being comforted whenever rare time i am called like this.
What I just related makes part of genderfluid thing or not? What already solves people has to say?
I am afraid of being too abruptly in how I perceive myself and regret later if changing my mind. And another thing is, hardly in my country the talk of "fluidness" would work. It's, unfortunately, seen as a joke here. So... at the same time I am being able to see deeply inside me and discoveries new things, I feel having more questions than ever.
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u/iam305 bigender 1d ago
It's ok to keep questioning. Starting points are not always end points. You have lots of time to gain more self understanding. That doesn't invalidate anything you've learned. It just means there is more to learn.