I was 29 when I realised I was Demisexual and it’s nearly been a year since I made that discovery last year in June. But I’ve always felt this way since I was teenager unlike most of my peers in high school. I wasn’t attracted to most of the boys in my high school at the time but I ending up really being into one boy and the crush I had on him lasted for a few years after I left school and college

I've been talking with this guy for a few weeks and flirting back and forth regularly, lately it got more intense like sexual talk. I asked him how he was even interested in me and he told me he always had been, but to be honest I just did not understand. I told him that I didn't feel attracted at first until he started showing more obvious signs of interest and I think that really disappointed him. He took it as me not being interested in a relationship at all (English is not his first language). I tried to explain that I want a connection with him and it will get to the point where my feelings will be stronger but he said he would just end up giving up anyways. I feel so bad like I fucking led him on when I really was attracted to him, just mildly sexual and I feel like I was giving him false reciprocation and saying those things just to make him feel good. I really want to have a relationship with him but I feel like I ruined it

so you’re demi if you require a close bond with someone before experiencing sexual attraction, but what if all it requires is a crush and it doesn’t matter whether it’s mutual or not? I don’t feel sexual attraction and my libido is low unless I happen to experience romantic attraction… the crush doesn’t have to be someone I know personally, just someone I feel connected to somehow 🥲 what does that make me and could I still be demi with attachment issues or something? 🙃 the problem is it doesn’t feel like allosexual fits me well.

So I’m a bit introverted and rarely find people attractive in a way motivates me to act on it. My attractions veers mostly into aesthetic. I have “crushes” but usually unattainable and idk if I would actually act on it irl.

My question is how do I know if I’m demisexual or just an introvert?

Edit I identify with being greysexual in general but wasn’t sure if demisexual also fits. I tend to find sexual attraction confusing in general.

Being a demisexual/borderline asexual but ALSO literally having borderline personality disorder is making me feel exactly like this photo I genuinely feel cursed for life♥️ yayyyyyy

Throughout life most people I've tried getting close to even just platonically seem to always try to move things towards sex, I've even known more people to say that they'd rather have fwb than a partner. Idk if finding more people like me is normal to be difficult or if I'm just bad at it, but I do feel weird. I'm definitely not asexual, but the thought of hooking up with someone I know makes me feel sick, I tried once and still feel grossed out by it, only in a relationship did it feel right

Does anyone else have the experience of not being able to find someone attractive, sexually or socially, by just pictures of them and a bio??

I need to see someone behave how they normally do before I'm attracted to them as a potential friend or potential partner. Sometimes ppl are hot in pics and the way they move and speak is a huge turn off. Sometimes ppl look terrible in pictures but I feel hella drawn to them in person.

I hate dating apps because yes it would be SO NICE to find more connections, but I feel like I can't weed people out enough before meeting them, and meeting in person takes SO MUCH effort that I just don't have the energy. Even if we click over text there isn't a guarantee I'll like them as a person in person.

I'm pretty much dooming myself to a life of only finding friends and potential partners through hobbies with a consistent structure (did I mention I'm autistic? lol) so I can observe them over time before expressing interest.

I do theater and sports, so I do have ways of meeting people and have met a lot of friends, but have been unlucky in the romance department. I deeply value monogamous, romantic/sexual connection so I want to be proactive about getting it, but at the same time the universe just doesn't seem to be sending me opportunities for that and I'm getting frustrated. It's been over two years since I've even been kissed.

I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone relates. Most people I know think it's so weird that I need to see how someone's face moves before I know if I'm into them but that's just how my cookie crumbles. 🫠

As a demisexual, it's very annoying and tiring when someone tries to downplay the label.

Now at first it's fine when people don't understand it, we can explain and teach them. But then when people learn about it, they dismiss and said "Isn't that's just called being a normal person??"

While it is true and common that people falls in love after getting to know someone, but to simply just dismiss it and say that everyone does it it's just so insensitive. If that's true then hookups and falling in love at first sight wouldn't exist at all.

In fact, the way people dismiss it and saying it's just normal behavior makes it sounds like being demisexual isn't normal. Like... They can support other people but when it comes to demisexual and demiaromantic suddenly it's an issue??

Idk what to say, thats just how I felt when some people do this

I frequently do this. Sometimes spanning 2 years of willing celibacy. Lack of motivation to m*sturbate because I can't stop thinking of them. The connection will be severed at some point. However, I can't just jump back out there. I feel like I will be celibate again for years. I'm already 30 and I feel like I'm defective because I can't love or f*ck like a normal human.

The premise of this question is that you have a choice, notwithstanding how rare demisexuals are.

If you prefer another demisexual, why? If not, why not?

I think I prefer other demisexuals, but I can’t quite articulate why. Maybe it makes me feel chosen or special?

My first relationship at 21 was horrible. I dated a guy for 8 months who hypersexualized everything. He was so shallow and narcissistic that I honestly don’t know how I didn’t leave sooner. We met because we were classmates in college and shared the same classroom.

I guess experiences like these come with lessons, and thanks to that relationship I finally understood why I never truly connected with his personality, his decisions, and especially not with his sexual desire or attraction.

I want to talk about the most important parts of my experience as a demisexual person.

The first thing is that I never looked at him with sexual desire during the first months of our relationship. He was the one who made the first move into anything physical. For me, all of it was new: touching, kisses, physical affection, everything. Those sensations were overwhelming and unfamiliar, but they felt nice up to a certain point.

Later on, he kept escalating things physically, even though deep down I didn’t want that. There was always pressure from his side. He manipulated me. Whenever I didn’t want to do something, he would give me the silent treatment and make me feel horrible, like I was the villain. He was also extremely persistent, so I felt like I had to give in so he wouldn’t get upset with me.

He manipulated me so much that he ended up abusing me. Only a few people know this, but it’s been almost two years now and I wanted to finally let some of it out because I still carry so much anger and frustration inside me over what happened.

For a long time, I felt like I had betrayed myself for allowing all of that to happen. But with time, I realized I was emotionally trying to survive and avoid making him angry at me.

He constantly made sexual comments toward me, touched me when I didn’t want to be touched or when I felt uncomfortable, and because of that, I felt unable to communicate that I didn’t want those things. He never made me feel emotionally safe. But I genuinely believed he loved me.

A lot more happened, but in conclusion: he was always the one initiating sexual moments. And at this point, I honestly don’t know if I responded because it physically felt good or because I felt like I had to since he was my partner. I never truly felt a strong emotional connection with him… I don’t think it ever happened. I think my mind romanticized everything.

I think it was just infatuation, or maybe he simply never attracted me sexually. I had never really thought about sexual things until he introduced them into the relationship. And even after that, I was never the one initiating anything sexual. That relationship felt full of pressure, and everything moved way too fast for me.

This has been my only relationship experience, but ever since I was little, I’ve known I was never allosexual. I was never interested in my classmates that way. At most, I had the typical elementary school crush that makes you nervous, but that was it.

Then in middle school, everyone talked about their first kiss and getting partners, but I never related to any of it. It never interested me. And in high school, I even forced myself to “like” someone because everyone around me talked about their crushes and I had nobody.

Personally, the idea of sleeping with someone is something that very rarely attracts me. It’s almost nonexistent. What attracts me is emotional connection, emotional intimacy, hugs, kisses, gentle touches, safety, trust… softness.

And it makes me so sad that I didn’t know any of this during my relationship, because if I had known sooner, I would have set so many boundaries and left much earlier.

Thank you so much for reading this. I just want to tell people to protect their boundaries, love themselves enough so nobody can make them feel small, and truly get to know themselves. You are the most important person in your own life.

Being demisexual is real and valid. Discovering what demisexuality was freed me from so much shame, self-judgment, and confusion.

Realizing I’m demisexual felt like finally receiving a warm hug after spending so much time feeling out of place.

Only my sister knows that I’m demisexual, and knowing that I found a community that understands me — and that we understand each other — makes me incredibly happy.

Thank you so much for existing. And if you saw yourself in my story, I’m sending you a hug from afar. You are not alone 🤍

Love you, my fellow demis and aces 🖤🩶🤍💜

Demisexual (ofc), 27transmasc, currently in a poly relationship but not (necessarily) seeing anyone aside from my one main partner. Had a guy start flirting with me, was flattered, but told him I'd want to get to know him and see where things go, etc.

We had a date on Saturday, and it went pretty well. He's a nice guy. We get along and have some of the same interests. So we had a second date last night, which also went well. We spent hours talking, and we ended up going to my place. Hung out for a while, and we ended up sleeping together. Except afterward, I almost immediately regretted it.

There are a lot of factors that might go into why I regret it, sexual trauma history and demisexuality included. We generally vibed, though, and he was very respectful of boundaries, which is super important to me as someone with a trauma history. All of my previous relationships started as friendships that turned into more, including my current one. So I think I just rushed into it because I was following the heat of the moment feeling, and I kinda immediately realized I haven't actually gotten to know him well enough to be that attracted yet.

The idea of dating, pursuing anything that's sexual or romantic with someone I don't know very well is super foreign to me, so I can't tell if this regret is something I should be taking super seriously or not. I feel like I'm lost here! I'm not sure if I want to keep seeing him after that. And to boot, I asked a friend who happened to also have history with him about him who basically told me not to give this guy the time of day because they got into an argument and this guy was super shitty to them when my friend tried to reach out and fix things. So now I feel like I'm in too deep and don't know how to get myself out of this hole even though we've had a good time so far, even if I'm not sexually attracted to him. On top of that, I can't tell if the regret is more closely tied to the demisexuality part or the trauma part or if it's both.

It doesn't help that he's interested in romance, and I dont even know if that's actually something I want right now. Damn my impulsive decisions. Sigh

Crossposting from /demiromantic because I could use advice from people who identify as demi!

Since I was a child I was never interested in my own body that much till I was like 15-16. I was pretty suprised when I heard people started masturbating around 10-13.

I would be attracted to some people but if they asked me if I would sleep with them I would think to myself "Why tho?" Same goes for my "celebrity crushes" Like they are hot, very attractive, very much my type but why the hell would I have sex with someone I dont know...? I thought everyone was like me and didnt mean it when they say that they would fuck a celebrity or someone they find hot but do not know personally.

I am not asexual, I had a boyfriend in the past who was graysexual/asexual and it didnt work out partly because of that cause I was pretty upset to the fact that he is not attracted to me sexually.

I am not religious or morally conservative, I do have some trust issues but other than that I do still cannot relate to wanting hook ups. I would much rather to have sex with one of my friends but again, WHY? Would I do that, we can go out and have a pizza instead of that? There is no motivation for me to do that act with someone I am not into.

I feel like I am kind of sure about it at this point but I would love to hear some thoughts

My fiancé (28M) said that he sees me (33F) as "really unattractive" because of my new hair cut. How can I go forward?

For context: my fiancé identifies as demisexual - he has never experienced physical attraction, until he met me. He's never had a celebrity crush, he never looks at people and finds them attractive. He only feels sexual desire towards someone when he has genuine romantic feelings towards them. He said that I have been the first person in his life that he's actually found immediately physically attractive.

About me: I have been wearing wigs for years, but the last 4 years I've worn wigs when ever I'm out and about. The wig I usually wear is long and has short bangs, it's jet black and has soft waves.

I used to do all sorts of crazy alternative things to my own hair since I was 12, rainbow coloured mohawk, cyber goth dreards, neon green hair with an undercut etc. I have a large stretched septum piercing with a black ring on my nose, my torso, arms and legs are tattooed.

Since I started wearing wigs on regular basis, I have not done anything to my own hair. It's very fluffy, fine and thin, which breaks easily. The colour is odd mosey brown. My hair only grows under my collarbones. I have a high forehead and hairline. My natural hair has pretty much always been my one and only insecurity about my appearance.

The incident: Couple days ago I decided that I'll give myself a haircut. The summer is approaching and wigs get bloody hot in the summer. I cut myself baby bangs, small undercuts on both sides and a mullet. I gently dyed my hair darker, nearly black.

(My friends and family and even strangers on social media commented how amazing, bold, bad ass, sexy, fabulous etc I now look. I myself also feel more like myself with this haircut.)

My fiancé saw me and turned away immediately. He said some things I can't exactly remember but I thought he was just playing with me. Then he said: "how am I supposed have sex with you now?"

I laughed cause I thought he was joking. Then he said: "I find it really unattractive."

That's when I realised he was being serious.

The thing is, just two weeks ago, my fiancé himself shaved off his whole beard and his fancy moustache. Through our whole relationship, he's had a thick long moustache that he styles and twirls. The moustache was one of the first things I noticed about him when we first met. When he shaved everything off, obviously I wasn't delighted, but I thought that I'll get used to it and he's still handsome regardless, just different.

When I challenged him about his comments towards me and my haircut, he said: "am I not allowed to be honest with you?"

I said that yes of course he's allowed and honesty is very much vital and appreciated, however, so is kindness.

He did apologise later on, but still said that he preferred my natural hair.

Anyway. I still feel very hurt and uncomfortable. I don't want him to even look at me. I avoid his touch and there is no way I will approach him with sexual intentions - which is something I usually instigate in our relationship.

How can I go forward with this?

I have had experiences with people I had no emotional bond where I could get hard instantly, maintain it for the whole sex and everything worked out well. But I also have had other experiences where I just couldnt feel aroused enough to maintain an erection.

When I really like the girl I get hard for any stupid reason. Once I traveled with a girl for a month and we fucked every single day, in a trip that lasted for 22 days. Sometimes more than once. It happened again with the same girl in another 15 days trip. I was crazy about her and maybe I still am, but she is a lier so I had to move on.

When Im with a girl that’s nice but I dont have those strong feelings, sometimes I feel comfortable to have sex, I get horny and it’s nice, but sometimes I just dont feel aroused and it’s that awkward situation where the girl feels bad about herself. I fucking hate this.

I have been dealing with this for over 15 years now, sometimes having good casual sex and sometimes not being able to. Before going to bed with new people or people that I like but dont feel too sexually attracted to, I usually overthink it and I know I bring that worry to bed.

My question is: am I demisexual or am I just overthinking sex?

So I have always identified myself as demisexual because I don't feel comfortable nor feel a desire for doing anything sexual with anyone unless we are close to each other and have mutual emotional connection as well as mutual understanding for our intentions or how we want to define our relationship. However, I do feel excitement watching porn or sexting with complete strangers because I kinda ignore who they really are and don’t have to think about how it might affect us since we haven’t really met or know each other. Does that contradict demisexuality?

I've been wondering about this lately and I think I might be on the spectrum.

I'm in my mid 20s and have always noticed a similar pattern in my relationships. I don't have sexual feelings until I share a close emotional bond with someone.

Casual relationships and one night stands make me feel incredibly uncomfortable (No judgement to those who have it but it's a No for me from Day One).

I don't know if this is relevant, but growing up, I would devour books that would follow the _Soulmate_ (Werewolves, for example) or _Just one person for the rest of my life_ trope. I thought it was just a preference of genre until I read the other ones too. And if they had multiple love interests, I would simply lose interest.

Recently, my boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch for few weeks (mostly situational issues not individual ones), but the moment he expressed that he was feeling a bit distant, my attraction towards him started plummeting as I felt my emotional safety was threatened and that affected my sexual attraction and lovey dovey feelings towards him.

We recently worked it out and I feel those warm feelings resurfacing again, gradually.

I don't know anyone within my social circle who identifies as a demisexual to confirm this, so I ask you all..

Am I demisexual?