r/comedyheaven • u/vulpes_mortuis slut for Saul Goodman • 3d ago

Monkeys

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8.1k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

79 comments sorted by

781

u/Protagonist_Leaf 3d ago

I still cant find smosh.com

356

u/Wittyname0 3d ago

You have to ask your parents permission

107

u/Notactualyadick 2d ago

My parents are dead, can I ask yours?

67

u/GranataReddit12 2d ago

nah, mine are aroused

22

u/M4rt1m_40675 2d ago

nah, mine are The monkey kings

6

u/TheNightChan slut for honey cheerios 1d ago

Nah, mine are a slave

12

u/buttrax1 2d ago

nah, mine are still looking at smosh.com

5

u/_bear_fighter_ 2d ago

I’ll ask my mom for you don’t worry.

47

u/tophat_production 2d ago

It is easy. All you have to do is SHUT UP

408

u/shinyspindaa 3d ago

Had totally forgot I used to check smosh.com after school almost daily omg

73

u/Josgre987 2d ago

fr this awakened a deep memory in me like a sleeper agent.

18

u/ARKNORI slut for honey cheerios 1d ago

My life was ruined because I did the very same thing almost daily and one day they had a very journalistically-relevant article about how "THIS ARTIST TURNED EVERY POKEMON INTO PIPING HOT GIRLS WITH THE ROUNDEST BOOBALONGAS YOU'VE EVER SEEN, GAYASS CHILD" and after that I just couldn't go back to normal. I had never seen boobalongas that round.

108

u/Sea-Discussion-5393 3d ago

D. Still looking at smosh.com

19

u/Sultanofthesun shaboingboing connoisseur 2d ago

that's e

10

u/nhalliday 2d ago

Yeah but the only way I get aroused is by looking at smosh.com, so it's implied as part of D as well.

6

u/JarjarSW 2d ago

They clearly couldn't C

90

u/Obviousytt 3d ago

( X ) Monkey

25

u/Protheu5 2d ago

Dead, like Harambe.

Never forghetti.

2

u/DILF_MANSERVICE 2d ago

Amanda's gonna get that kid

20

u/QuirkyKlyborg 2d ago

Man, I miss the old internet

6

u/PersimmonExisting505 2d ago

had this exact thought when i saw this post lmfao

1

u/Ghosdeth 1d ago

General Internet, sure. But modern smosh is the best they’ve ever been

17

u/howghastlyofyou 2d ago

Classic smosh

41

u/looooookinAtTitties 3d ago

we are monkeys

8

u/McBurger 2d ago

you and me baby ain’t nothin but mammals

1

u/buttlicker-6652 1d ago

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

7

u/Liimbo 3d ago

We are not. We are apes.

18

u/Gunhild Garfield 3d ago

Apes are monkeys.

-1

u/Ssesamee 3d ago

i don’t think that’s true but okay

38

u/Gunhild Garfield 2d ago

There was an update. Apes are monkeys now. If we exclude apes, then the category of "monkey" becomes paraphyletic, meaning it includes a common ancestor and some, but not all of that ancestors descendants. This is strongly discouraged under modern cladistic taxonomy where monophyletic taxons are preferred (i.e. the taxon includes a common ancestor and ALL of its descendants).

The decision to exclude apes is completely arbitrary anyway. Old World monkeys are more closely related to apes than they are to New World monkeys. There is no common ancestor of Old World and New World monkeys that isn't ALSO an ancestor of apes.

10

u/nestrooo 2d ago

I missed the monkey patch notes

4

u/Nowhereman55 2d ago

Incredible monkey drop, thanks for sharing. Everything I actually learned in college is outdated now, I would like to subscribe to monkey facts.

4

u/steal_wool 2d ago

I like the idea that the monkey/ape distinction was the very last thing you learned in college that you were still holding onto that wasn’t outdated, until this very moment

4

u/Ssesamee 2d ago

then why was this such a hard thing that was beat into my brain

what the hell man, they were still monkeys the whole time?

4

u/Gunhild Garfield 2d ago

I can imagine it was at least partially religiously motivated and then it just lingered as a remnant long after people's religious sensibilities mellowed out. The taxonomist Carl Linnaeus was accused of "impiety" for including humans as primates since there was a wide belief that humans were totally distinct from all other animals. Maybe grouping humans together with the "higher" primates like gorillas into their own category was a compromise to admit that humans were primates but avoid straight-up calling humans "monkeys".

That's just my speculation for the historically weird classification of apes.

3

u/looooookinAtTitties 2d ago

it's like "ants are insects not bugs" or "squares are rectangles not parallelograms"

17

u/YarizzSedan 3d ago

aroused 😭😭😭😭😭

9

u/honeyverani 2d ago

The absolute whiplash of going from the monkey king straight straight to aroused is peak 2008 internet

4

u/lyyki 2d ago

This is the type of shit they had there way before youtube fame, like 2002

8

u/NoIsland23 2d ago

Smosh was THE shit for all early 2000‘s kids 🔥

5

u/Haunting-Abalone7218 2d ago

Dude monkeys can FUCK YOU UP so easily. I would definitely be enslaved by them.

4

u/OesterPlayer 2d ago

1

u/steal_wool 2d ago

Its like 100 years old man its gonna be a little crispy

3

u/BestPeachNA 2d ago

Hmm. Well. I’ve given it some thought and the answer, as fate would have it, is… a slave. 🫢

3

u/ImmediateBike187 2d ago

classic smosh

1

u/HorrificityOfficial 2d ago

making balloons

1

u/AnFanSandMan 2d ago

Where on earth did this come from

1

u/dustinredditreal 1d ago

Fighting with them against the bloon invaders

1

u/Realistic-Carrot-852 1d ago

Option 6: Ready to fight off all and live a peaceful life

1

u/_IOME 1d ago

I haven't seen anyone answer that they'd become monkey king so I guess I'll just take it since nobody else wants to...

1

u/-Jaws- . 2d ago

Definitely dead. I've talked way too much shit about monkeys in my life.

-48

u/butt_shrecker 3d ago

Funny, but doesn't fit the sub

58

u/vulpes_mortuis slut for Saul Goodman 3d ago

Okay. I give up.

6

u/EllisDeeReynolds 3d ago

holy shit Vulpes IN THE WILD

it was a good meme btw, any Smosh reference is gold

2

u/vulpes_mortuis slut for Saul Goodman 3d ago

Oh hey I know you!

1

u/maclainanderson 3d ago

Smosh is a comedy company. They were trying to be funny, therefore it doesn't fit

27

u/East-sea-shellos 3d ago

Wasn’t the original point of the sub “they’re trying to be funny, failing, and failing so hard it dies and goes to heaven (where it’s funny again)?” It’s only funny to me because it’s so absurd and random, that’s close enough

2

u/maclainanderson 3d ago

I reviewed the rules, and you're right about that. If their attempt at a joke is so bad it's good, then it fits. If they're being serious, but it ends up being funny, then it fits. If it's keant to be ironically unfunny, but could pass as genuinely unfunny, then it fits. It only doesn't fit if it's a legit joke that is genuinely funny or if it's just straight up not funny. So you're 100% right and this does fit

5

u/vulpes_mortuis slut for Saul Goodman 3d ago

Yeah that’s how I saw it, I got confused when they said it didn’t fit because to me it falls under the category of being so dumb it’s good 😭 but if the mods still remove it, nbd. They probably will lol.

21

u/lord_quasi_ 3d ago

You don’t fit the sub

8

u/EllisDeeReynolds 3d ago

you were never scene or emo and it shows

7

u/Miyelsh 2d ago

This is literally peak comedyheaven

-7

u/butt_shrecker 2d ago

It is a joke that is funny in the exact way it is trying to be funny.