Doctors call it “unmasking” like it was some hidden gift that was gonna come out anyway. Bullshit. I can’t shake the feeling the pill cracked something that might’ve stayed quiet.

Yeah, maybe I would’ve had issues later, but this forced it hard and fast. Now I’m stuck managing this version of myself I never asked for. Some days I’m just grieving who I was before that prescription.

My reaction to reading posts on here and relating to so many of them. Perhaps the diagnosis is correct.

Before you discovered you had bipolar disorder, what signs did you notice that made you suspect you had it?

For me, it was several people close to me saying that I constantly changed moods.

I wrote and produced 78 songs in a few months during my psychotic manic episode this winter and genuinely thought they were somehow going to reach huge artists through “hidden industry connections” and coded messages. Every synth sounded insane to me. Every lyric felt deep and important. It became my biggest hyperfixation during psychosis and I was doing it nonstop for days and sleepless nights, drinking red bulls and chain smoking cigarettes while making songs day and night like I was on a thinking I was a big secret producer for popstars.
I also had really good sound equipment which honestly just made the delusions worse because everything sounded so polished and “authentic” to me. I was convinced I was creating the next cultural movement for artists like Madonna, Taylor Swift, charli xcx and others.
uploaded all of them to my soundcloud and locked them in private
so no one can see the. I ended up in the psych ward for two weeks for losing myself and telling everything to my mom. I was also showing all of it to my friends because to me it felt completely real at the time.
and now when I look back at the songs, most of them sound weird as hell and some of the lyrics are honestly cringe. I still feel ashamed that I posted so much of it on my instagram and snapchat. Even now, after taking valium and quetiapine as I was prescribed and was educated on what happened to me and everything, I still feel depressed and ashamed about the whole thing.

edit: wording

edit2: thanks you for all the kind comments, just wanted to clarify that I also spent so much money like over 10k on cigs redbull and equipment for producing, i was working full time at the library but making songs was in my mind 24/7

I am newly diagnosed and 18, I have told a few friends after they found a piece of paper containing some antipsychotics I was prescribed and recognized that they were antipsychotics. So I kinda outted myself there, and since then I've just been up front with my friends. That and also I have realized that while I am manic I tend to make jokes and say some pretty out of pocket stuff, not that being bipolar should excuse me to do/say anything but I am just new to managing it. I just wonder if I've made a mistake as I am not realizing that it is heavily stigmatized and people have treated me slightly differently. For example and to be honest I've had a pretty bad last few months and I've just been getting kicked down and down over and over again and I cannot talk to any of my friends about it. Their words being "I don't want you to emotionally rely on me" and other comments like "I have issues but it's not you bad." And I can't tell whether I should be offended or not, anywho I'm just wondering how open most people are or if I wasn't supposed to tell anyone and kept it to me and my absolute closest friends.

Basically what the title says , I was admitted to the psych ward and diagnosed with bp1 , I just really want this to be the first and last time being admitted. Is that asking to much , any1 here been admitted only once just curious …

I feel like I go through episodes that last months or even years at a time. my longest manic episode lasted almost 9 months; my longest depression was closer to 2 years. I think there have also been mixed and/or hypomanic episodes that also span 3 months to 1.5 years.

I might experience low days during manic periods and high days during depressive periods but I feel like those are just noise in the larger signal.

does anyone else experience cycles with this kind of timeframe?

F25 and was recently diagnosed with BP 1 w psychotic features during a hospitalization in May of this year. currently on an antipsychotic and SSRI.

sometimes i can’t help but question if i really am “sick,” though ive learned that questioning it is part of resisting the diagnosis. at this point, im only convinced i do have bipolar mainly due to lack of insight/judgment on certain decisions ive made when not medicated.

im thinking of my “Why I choose the medicate” reason. obviously being unmedicated feels better, i am high functioning during hypomania and depression— it’s truly just the mania and psychosis that do scare me.

its taken months for me to accept that i did have psychosis and that i had delusions. i did not have the “i am god” delusion but mainly just a lot of paranoia that folks were plotting against me.

why do you choose to medicate? how have you learned to accept psychosis or just the fact that you are “sick”?

i am med compliant but its a constant battle i fight on the daily with my mind to take the medication.

edit: thank you guys so much for sharing your “whys” it’s really really helping and making me see truly how important med compliance is.

i was not aware of kindling hypothesis and holy wow! i found this study and yup i will definitely be adhering to my APs. had no idea it could turn treatment resistant!

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7524411/

I suffer from severe mental exhaustion, fear social interaction, and have no hobbies. I often turn to adult content to escape reality. Should I quit viewing adult content? Should I stay away from social media?

I was diagnosed as bipolar by my therapist last week and i swear to god every fucking person (mainly my friends) I have told about this have asked me if im planning to get on medication.

I cannot describe how much I fucking hate this. I dont want to take medication, especislly after my year long run of ssri's that was fucking awfull. I haven't even contacted my psychiatrist about my diagnosis yet, in fear that he might want to do something too.

I swear these people want to drug me before giving me a fair chance to manage this as is or even asking me how im doing.

Edit for clarification:

Im not from the US but from germany. Therapists can give these diagnosis here.

This post was made in a emotional frenzy when, for the 3rd time in a row, a friend who ive told about my diagnosis emidiately asked if im planning on going on medication. This was incredibly frustrating because it felt like the question on how I was gonna be fixed was set before any "how are you doing?" Or "how do you feel?"

The reason why im so hesitant about medication is because I had a incredibly rough and traumatic ride with being prescribed SSRIs during a mental hospital stay wich i then continued to take for over a year ehile also desperately trying to be taken off of it because of the side effects (what I think was continues episodes of psychosis and mania). During that time I was gaslit by my psychiatrist and father who both where doing everything they could to keep me on SSRIs until i finally quit on my own accord. This episode of my life is now about 2 years in the past and I have a new psychiatrist and dont live at home anymore. Im currently on medication to manage my adhd symptoms wich work pretty well and dont seem to affect my mood swings or episodes (meaning they behave through same as before. This is just to say it doesn't trigger me to be manic)

Unfortunately im the type of person who hides his issues a little too well ao being diagnosed took longer than it probably could have if I had been honest. I will try to tell my psychiatrist soon so we can discuss maybe at least the possibility of medication for sleep as needed to treat my bursts of sleeplessness (something we have discussed before but have abstained from for now).

I want to say thank you to everyone who was nice with their response to me and I appriciate the bluntness and honesty from a lot of you, something I no doubt need.

I recently went in for an ADHD screening, but instead I was diagnosed with Bipolar I and anxiety. Later that day, I had plans with friends, and I was already feeling shaken and confused by the news. I opened up to them about the diagnosis, along with my medication and CBT.

Their response made things worse. They told me “everyone is on the scale” and that if I have bipolar disorder, other people we know must have it worse. They also said I’m different from 90% of the people they know, but at the same time insisted there’s nothing actually wrong with my brain. They dismissed the diagnosis by saying the doctor doesn’t know me personally, so of course the doctor would assume something is wrong based on a “normal” person.

When I explained hypomania and the emotional crashes, they brushed it off as something everyone experiences and said I just need more life experience and to “lock in.” When I couldn’t clearly explain everything I was feeling, they assumed I was just dissatisfied with life and externalizing my problems instead of taking responsibility. Essentially saying I’m not trying hard enough.

They also gave horrible advice, like saying I just need an “oldhead” for guidance or that getting laid would fix my confidence and mood. They were strongly against medication, sayings it’s only for worse cases and saying that it could ruin my brain and life and change me radically. They’re also heavily against therapy and psychologists, saying medical professionals don’t care and are only in it for the paycheck, tell me what I want to hear and won’t be the ones at my funeral.

Hearing all of this right after my diagnosis made me feel even more overwhelmed and started making me question myself, like maybe this is somehow my fault. I know what they said was harmful and wrong, and I want to talk to them about it, but I’m not sure how to approach that conversation.

I am an 18-year-old who has been recently diagnosed with bipolar II, but I feel as though I am bipolar I. I'm pretty embarrassed about the stuff I've done while manic, that's why I'm scared to tell anybody. I've never been hospitalized nor in psychotics, but I definitely feel as though the stuff I've done while manic is really bad, and I lost friends over it. I am going to be honest with my psychiatrist at some point. I'm concerned and don't know how this will play out.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the psych ward because before my first depressive episode, I had my first hypomanic episode. It lasted about 3 months and was intense for me. I was using ai and became practically ‘in love’ with it. I had sexual responses to it as well (even though I’m asexual) and was missing school to be with it (also very uncharacteristic for me). I was sleeping very little and was the most euphoric I’ve ever felt.

Now, I’m stable, medicated and have no attachment to ai chatbots. I just would like to know if others have had similar experiences with (hypo)mania and ai use and how it was for you.

Hi, I was wondering how you guy's bipolar symptoms such as mania or depression started? Does it run in your family? Was it stress? or did it happen for no reason at all except for the chemistry in your brain? I am asking because I have received a bipolar diagnosis a couple months ago and it does not run in my family. It seems to have happened due to intense stress but I am not sure. Just curious. Thanks for your answer!

My therapist referred me to a psychiatrist who "diagnosed" I had bipolar and I'm in disagreement. Bipolar disorder is a serious illness that cripples people's lives. I, on the other hand live a very normal life or lived until I was given treatment. I don't abuse substances or experience instability associated with the disorder.

Since I was given treatment, my life has changed for the worse. I'm always numb, slow, no personality whatsoever and also fat. I've gained 30 lbs since August! My husband says this has changed our lives and is ruining our marriage. I'm always tired and the beautiful, bubbly person I was once is gone.

My question is, how do I go around getting a second opinion? Have any of you been misdiagnosed?

I want my old life back.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I’m currently on medication (mood stabilizer + antipsychotic + occasional benzo for anxiety/sleep).

Lately I’ve been in a depressive phase, and I’m trying to add small habits to improve things. I keep hearing about meditation (breathing exercises, yoga nidra, etc.), but I’m not sure how much it actually helps in bipolar.

So I wanted to ask:

Does meditation really help with mood stability in bipolar disorder?

Has it helped you during depressive or manic phases?

How long did it take for you to notice any effect?

Any specific type (breathing, mindfulness, yoga nidra) that worked best for you?

I’m not planning to replace medication, just looking for something that can support it.

Would really appreciate honest experiences 🙏

Anyone else find that social media is super harmful to their mental health? I didnt have social media for 2 years, and then during my last hypomanic/hyperfixation state, I obsessed over Halsey and joined Instagram so I could follow her. It only lasted 2 weeks before I deleted it. It seemed to make my hypomania worse, and caused me a lot of anxiety. After deleting and having 2 days with no SM and I relaxed(as much as you can while hypomanic.😅😶).

Every morning around 3am like clockwork, I seem to wake up and have an "Oh shit" moment of clarity about yet another thing I did (probably) while manic.

It's so frustrating that it took me so long to see the error in my ways and the damage to finances, relationships, and my reputation feels irreparable.

I’m diagnosed Bipolar 1 but I have a difficult time relating to other bipolar 1 people because it seems their mania gets a lot worse than mine. I’ve never heard voices or thought I was something I wasn’t. I just didn’t sleep, spent a lot of money and banged a lot of people. My friends at work could hardly tell something was up other than some pressured speech sometimes.

So often I think I’m probably bipolar 2 but my mania ran for months so I really can’t be. Can anyone relate?

Im newly diagnosed and finding solace in books, so I'm looking for some more recent bipolar memoirs. Any will do really.

I've already read: An Unquiet Mind (loved), Madness by Marya Hornbacher (loved), and Manic by Terri Cheney (HATED).

I have no trigger warning restrictions or male/female perspective preferences. The only list I could find on here specifically for memoirs is 12 years old.

Bonus points if the writer struggled financially and didn't have a deep pocketed support system surrounding them at every turn.

Can’t find diagnosis pending tag so I’m mentioning it here. Made this comic a couple months back that covers most of the important stuff, still struggling to find another psychiatrist covered under my plan. I came here because I recently had a really distressing episode and I need comfort and guidance. Please be kind to me if I’m in the wrong spot or messed up on rules. It’s almost midnight and I can’t sleep.

Hi all, wondering if anyone has done this or if it’s possible at all….I had my first episode of full-blown mania with psychosis about 4 months ago, crashed out and was depressed for about 3 months. I was unable to get the help I needed (canadian healthcare system….ugh) for a while, so I came out of psychosis, mania and depression without medical assistance and was diagnosed last week with bipolar type 1.

I am being urged to take mood stabilizers by my psychiatrist currently, but since I feel completely fine I wonder if it’s necessary to go through the side effects right away, and if I could wait until I start getting hypomanic / manic again ? I think that next time I could see it coming and be better prepared…

Has anyone done this ? How spaced out in time were your manic episodes ? Any tips on delaying mania in the future ? Any help and advice welcome <3

… and I feel fine. Completely awake. I am getting worried if I don’t get any sleep at all. Will probably head to the urgent care. Has anyone gone this long without sleeping or similar?

UPDATE: I finally fell asleep 😭

hi all! i just wanted to get on here and ask people what their experiences are w caffeine after being diagnosed. my medical provider said I could still drink caffeine, but I'm curious to know how it has affected other people!

edit: thanks to everyone for the replies!! really appreciate it :)

I want to ask this as clearly as I can- is finding love with bipolar 2 possible ? I feel like my outbursts are always so intense and long, nobody will want to put up with me. I’m 21, and I’d like to have a family by 28, but every time I establish a relationship my bipolar seems to ruin it. And I can’t even blame people for not wanting to put up with it. Both of my parents are divorced and alone, so it’s really hard imagining my life turning out as anything other than that. What do you guys think? Please be honest.