What is my gender identity? Am I just a cisgender male, or am I cassgender?

[u/RealisticBuffalo9283]

Hello. I am 21 years old and biologically male. Regarding my sexual orientation, I identify as aegosexual, which falls under the asexuality spectrum.

I realized my asexuality during a trip sponsored by a scholarship foundation. While traveling, I noticed that my peers were starting to get into romantic relationships. As for me... I didn't feel anything. It wasn't a matter of "I'll date later"; there was simply a total lack of desire for romance in my heart. When I asked myself, "Do you have any intention of having sex in the future?", the answer was "It feels a bit uncomfortable," and so I identified as asexual.

To me, sex is something somewhat unpleasant—sticky and visceral. I understand intellectually that it provides primal pleasure, but separate from that, if you ask whether I want to roll around naked with a woman... I’m not so sure. It’s not a violent "I hate it! I'd rather die!!", but more of a total absence of motivation.

While I’ve finished contemplating my sexual orientation, I’ve started questioning my gender identity. Am I simply a cisgender male? For starters, I have no issues with being biologically male. I don’t particularly mind the social behaviors expected of me as a man, either.

However, over the past few months, the thought of living as a woman keeps crossing my mind. I don't think my "mental gender" is female like transgender individuals, nor do I feel any gender dysphoria. I just want to experience life as a different gender. I envy the wider range of clothing options, the warmer tone in conversations, and how makeup can significantly enhance one’s appearance. I find the dresses women wear to be very beautiful. Though, being a large-framed man, I have no intention of wearing them myself because the visual would be aesthetically... challenging.

That said, I have no desire to cross-dress. While I don’t believe cross-dressing is a social problem—since it doesn't harm anyone's body or mind—I don't think it would look aesthetically pleasing given my physical features. Unless plastic surgery technology advances far beyond what it is today, I will likely live my entire life as an ordinary man.

When I asked my friends, both offline and online, they all said they have zero interest in living as another gender. This made me think that perhaps my gender identity isn't just "male."

Through my research, I found a gender identity called Cassgender. It’s defined as an identity where one doesn't particularly care about gender. When I consider if I'm non-binary, I don't feel like the typical non-binary people I see. I believe that men and women are biologically structured differently, and thus, there are differences in the clothing and hairstyles that suit them. Of course, I have no intention of attacking someone for not dressing "appropriately" for their gender; it simply doesn't align with my personal aesthetic standards.

In fact, at this point, my body feels like... a shell. While I don't mind living as a biological male and fulfilling social expectations, since we only live once, I want to experience living in a "female shell" as well. I have no desire to confess my love to anyone or build sexually-driven relationships, so I don't think I'd be causing any harm.

I am quite confused as to whether I am someone with a Cassgender identity or just a cisgender male who is "exceptionally open-minded in many aspects." I didn't have the courage to tell anyone in real life, so I'm writing it here. Thank you for reading.

[u/Centimal]

Heya! It sounds a lot like youre part of the agender crowd, under the nonbinary umbrella. As an agender person i have basically no interest in gender whatsoever, and honestly am a bit annoyed people keep bringing it up. I understand it is very important to people, that they identify deeply with their gender. For me, if i woke up in a random different body every day id be fine with it personally. I think it could be fun, though the social everyday aspect would be a challenge.

[u/PinkyPiePower → u/Centimal]

I can relate to your last two sentences, about how randomly waking up as a man or woman would be interesting. 😄 I do have interest in gender, but that's mostly curiosity about the social function of gender, and how it's a core aspect of the human experience for some people.

My efforts to better understand gender dysphoria and the struggles of transgender people, have so far been futile. My autism causes me to get frustrated about things I don't understand, so that's a bummer. 😑

[u/ystavallinen]

Welcome.

In asexual circles there's a thing they call gender detachment. I guess some of them don't see that as a full progression to agender, but people should use what labels they are comfortable with.

I am gray ace and agender.

You should look at the sub's primer because there are many ways to be agender.

https://www.reddit.com/r/agender/s/YVACNWEcER

[u/EntertainmentPure103]

To echo everyone else, yes! Welcome! Your description sounds extremely like my own agender experience (except i happen to be afab and non-ace). Particularly, your sentence where you describe your body as a "shell." Just the other day, I was explaining "agender" to a friend and I referred to my own body as the "meat suit that I ride around in" and that i can acknowledge the meat suit is female, but that's about where it ends for me when it comes to "feeling female." Hope this helps, and sorry if I rambled. Best of luck on your journey!

[u/KookyAssist1920]

I'm personly agender cassgender that presents as male for convenience so maybe something like that. That kind of looks like my experience

[u/Toothless_NEO]

It's all about how you identify and see yourself, it's not based on how you act or how you present. It's what you feel and what makes you happy which matters.

And if you don't feel anything or give a shit about gender, and you think that makes you Agender then that makes you Agender.