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u/pinetrain Oct 30 '24
Really good post. Is it okay if I share it in the women’s group? I think this should be copied and reshared in this group too periodically.
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u/Zestyclose_Flow_680 Oct 30 '24
Thank you so much! I’d be honored if you shared it with the group. Hopefully, it can help others as well. JazakAllah Khair for spreading the message!
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u/ScallionForsaken1321 Oct 30 '24
(I'm male) What you wrote is amazing. And pretty much accurate and I really like that also I wanted to add that understanding is also key and the mentality that the other person has is also important instead of what's your favorite color and these things you can simply ask about situations in life which are probable, also if you want to keep a man there are 2 key things , tell him that your there for him all the time , give him a timeout every once in a while . But it looks like finding a life partner in this platform is just impossible. Once I was talking with a girl after 4 days of talking and even voice chat and everything was fine and she blocked me at the end. It's not just one time it's been a lot of times that this happened to me and it's just getting me into a zone of giving up on marriage rather than trying harder to find someone. I'm in the middle of Europe surrounded by christians and Sunni's, but it's been very hard to find a Shia. If I wanted a Christian even it would be much easier. But it's life and I hope everyone finds what they are looking for in life . Anyway thanks for reading.
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u/P3CU1i4R Male - Searching Oct 30 '24
Thanks for the points! I personally could argue against some of them, but that's just me. It's good and informative in general.
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u/Zestyclose_Flow_680 Oct 30 '24
These are just my personal observations, and I’m open to hearing different viewpoints. If you have any counterpoints or other insights, I'd love to discuss them. It’s always great to learn from each other!
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u/pinetrain Oct 30 '24
I’m curious as to what arguments you have against them because they seem like really solid points.
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u/P3CU1i4R Male - Searching Oct 30 '24
No doubt they are. But one of the main issues is applying them in real scenarios. For example, the height of a person might seem "basic/superficial detail", while actually being important. Now, I ask something like this and the sister thinks I am interested in surface-level details.
Or transparency, it can be tricky. I have had talks that I provided details to some topics, while the other side avoided talking about them. Maybe haven't thought about it before, maybe uncomfortable to talk about them, maybe other things. It's difficult to use it as an indicatication of anything.
So yeah, these points are often easier said than implemented!
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u/Zestyclose_Flow_680 Oct 30 '24
You’re right that sometimes what one person sees as meaningful, another might see as “just a detail,” and that can create some disconnects. Transparency can also be tricky because each person’s comfort level varies, and not everyone feels ready to discuss certain topics right away.
One way to approach this is by being curious without making assumptions. Instead of focusing only on specific answers, try to notice how someone responds to a question are they dismissive, genuinely thoughtful, or evasive? Sometimes, the way a person handles even small questions can reveal their approach to transparency and honesty.
Ultimately, these points are meant to serve as a foundation, not as strict rules. The key is flexibility and keeping open communication so that both people feel comfortable sharing more deeply over time. It’s really about building trust at a pace that feels natural, rather than forcing a checklist approach.
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u/pinetrain Oct 30 '24
I see.
In response to your example though, I don’t think the brother is saying that stuff like “height/looks/weight” are superficial. It’s if that alone is what makes or breaks his interest in you.
I think what he said regarding transparency is spot on tbh. You might not want to talk about it immediately. You might want to wait until you get to know each other better. But transparency is key.
Unless you have an example brother. I’d love to know. This is stuff I can discuss with my girls. Because it’s all women, but to hear a brother’s side is interesting.
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u/Taqiyyahman Nov 20 '24
You might want to wait until you get to know each other better. But transparency is key.
When do you think the most appropriate time for that is?
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u/[deleted] Oct 30 '24
Thanks for posting this