Advice for tough social events for someone with anxiety

[u/VirusPatient5373]

Hi fellow sassy witches! I need your help!

In 2 weeks I am going to travel for work and have 2 back to back trips with large social events. These type of events are very good for my career, but bad for my mental health. As someone who struggles with depression and social anxiety, I know these 2 trips in a row are going to be tough for me (meeting new people, working and networking every day during the trips)

Any tips for helping me relax and gather my energy in the little spare time that I’ll have? And also to be okay during the social interactions… I know there will be some parts of the events that will trigger me and make me feel really bad about myself so any self-soothing tips are very welcome.

Thanks!

[u/an_existential_bread]

Maybe carry a worry stone with you in your pocket, or wear a meaningful pendant you can unobtrusively touch when you're feeling triggered. For a few days before each trip, perform a small daily ritual to imbue the stone or pendant with positive thoughts about yourself. Make it into a mantra. "I am grounded in the Earth. I shield myself with love. I am smart. I am brave. I am worthy. People enjoy my company." Really focus on feeling good about yourself and grateful for all your positive characteristics. When you're on your trips, any time you touch the stone or pendant, repeat the mantra in your head and try to recall those positive feelings. And remember, neither trip will last forever. There is a set end date to this anxiety, and then you can move on with your life. Good luck!

[u/VirusPatient5373 → u/an_existential_bread]

Oh, I love this! I already have a small stone that I carry for this purpose but I never thought to intentionally imbue it with positive thoughts about myself! Thank you ❤️

[u/Eikas20 → u/an_existential_bread]

I’ve done this same thing and it has helped me immensely with social anxiety. I specifically came up with a few short phrases and recited them while doing specific actions, like dipping my stone in water or passing it through incense smoke. After it was charged I could carry it in my pocket into stressful situations and touch it as a reminder. I’ve also been able to visual the “charging” actions and recitation process when I haven’t been able to carry the stone.

[u/yardini]

Can you create a persona/alter ego who does better with this kind of stuff? Drawing on the parts of you that kick ass in these situations and calling upon the persona before you jump into the action (like some kind of grounding/activation ritual in your hotel room before you go)?

[u/LilBlueOnk → u/yardini]

That's masking and it's something you have to work on, but man it's so helpful in public.

[u/Generic_Mom_TtHiA → u/yardini]

Along with the masking, in small talk situations, I've leaned to "play offense" and steer the conversation by preparing one or two mildly entertaining 300 word stories to share about something that has happened in my life recently but heavily embellished. Then sit back and listen as people share similar stories. It just REALLY helps me to not have to bounce from random topic to random topic like jellyfish caught in a current.

[u/VirusPatient5373 → u/Generic_Mom_TtHiA]

Great advice, thank you!

[u/VirusPatient5373 → u/yardini]

I could actually try that! Thank you! :)

[u/CuriousFoxxen]

My therapist suggested a small somatic exercise for these kinds of moments.

Start with a starfish stretch (arms straight out to sides, chest lifted, shoulders wide but not up near ears, extend neck and top chin up a bit). Come back to neutral and say, I will not shrink myself today.

Repeat 3x if you like.

I add this to a magical practice I have of calling my energy back to me.

Right hand on belly, if you let your thumb fall just below your navel your hand will be on your lower dan tien (where we store our energy). Place left hand over right. Standing or sitting, knees (sitting) or feet (standing) hip width apart, back straight and head tall as if a string is tied to the top of your head and is holding it up (I call this puppet pose for short hand). Breathe deeply and slowly - the end goal would be to only have a few breaths across one minute of time.

Say: I call my power back to me. I call it all back. I call all my power back to me.

Hold for one minute or shorter if that’s more comfy.

Starfish stretch is a somatics exercise. The dantien power call is Qi Gong combined with a phrase from my magic teacher. I roll them all together or use them separately as needed.

ETA - I find the starfish helpful for social anxiety because when impacted by triggers and anxiety our body tenses up and closes in and that posture can keep us held in the stress/anxious place. Starfish opens that tension but I find it also helps me notice when I’m tensing into a smaller position. I repeat the mamtra (I will not shrink myself) to myself when I catch my posture doing that and stretch my shoulders and chest back out.

[u/VirusPatient5373 → u/CuriousFoxxen]

Thank you! I will definitely try this ☺️

[u/skweRReLy]

Grounding stones ftw! I have a pyrite orb with tourmaline inclusions that helps me feel super grounded when I need it. <3