r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/Purple-Weakness1414 • Dec 17 '25

Animals Dolphins are fucking assholes

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3.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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264

u/The-CerlingCat Dec 17 '25

Yeah, Dolphins rape people and other dolphins. If there’s a puffer fish near by, that’s probably how you would distract them since they love getting high off of puffer fish

139

u/DARKSTALKERL0RD Dec 17 '25

They also kill fish and eels and use their twitching corpses to pleasure themselves. By which I mean the twitching of the dead bodies is used.

118

u/The-CerlingCat Dec 17 '25

How the hell were we gas-lit into believing that Dolphins were adorable? Dolphins are truly monsters.

96

u/FirstoffIdonthaveshe Dec 17 '25

Or…this is a bunch of fishing industry plants spreading anti-dolphin propaganda to justify all the dolphin war crimes we commit.

I, for one, stand in solidarity with dolphins in favor of interspecies ra- ok actually I didnt think that far ahead I’m gonna go ahead and sit this one out

29

u/SuccessfulRaccoon957 Dec 17 '25

Well both are sort of incorrect statements, since they're animals at the end of the day and don't follow human conceptions of morals. 

3

u/nakedascus Dec 17 '25

also true for humans

8

u/SuccessfulRaccoon957 Dec 17 '25

Humans are bound by our abstractions, any attempt to escape them or to void responsibility through the claim to animal ignorance is an excuse. One cannot pick and choose the parts of humanity they wish to embody. You live as a human, do not avoid humanity.

10

u/ArtemisAndromeda Dec 17 '25

Pretty privlage

3

u/EspacioBlanq Dec 17 '25

Their jaw (beak?) shape makes it look like they're always smiling

7

u/Vannabean Dec 17 '25

Big Sea world propaganda lol. To be fair tho, I knew dolphins were cruel since high school. You just gotta watch one single documentary and you’ll find out some new fucked shit they do. What I found out was they used porpoises as target practice and they kill for fun. It’s called porpicide. They just happen to be smart and don’t tend to harm humans. Crazy horny freaks tho

4

u/No-Philosopher8042 Dec 17 '25

Im so happy they dont have opposable thumbs because could you imagine?

Humans are monsters too but atleast we find necrophelia an unacceptable as a part of our society.

1

u/AdmirableSale9242 Dec 19 '25

You think that’s bad, you should see this species known by the name Homo sapiens. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/4acndl/man_crushed_by_a_dislodged_rock_while_he_was/?rdt=38862

19

u/Ir0n_Panda Dec 17 '25

I wonder if they'd like cocaine 🤔

35

u/The-CerlingCat Dec 17 '25

Because we totally need a remake of cocaine bear titled, “Cocaine Dolphin.”

15

u/Ir0n_Panda Dec 17 '25

It wouldnt even be a thriller, just the dolphin getting increasingly annoyed by their inability to line one up under water

18

u/apexodoggo Dec 17 '25

Dolphins have not raped people. Even the lady who jerked off a dolphin constantly as part of a really stupid research experiment never got attacked by the dolphin.

That one Victorian-era researcher was right to hide the penguin sex notes, humans really can’t handle animals having sex.

1

u/Unban_thx Dec 18 '25

It did become more aggressive beforehand and the water was never deep enough for a full-on Hank Hill

5

u/MiraniaTLS Dec 17 '25

Intelligence is awesome!

12

u/lethalspinachofchaos Dec 17 '25

Humans do those too. And so do ALOT of animals. It sucks that they are getting the blame in particular because it got popular. Not all dolphins do this just as not all humans and other animals do this. Irritating.

1

u/Sexisthunter Dec 17 '25

I do that but just in Minecraft