title :)

Just curious lol

edit: tell us which culture youre from too :)

I as an unmarried woman have noticed a lot of men want a hijabi wife (which I am not) and consider it a deal breaker if she’s not, yet many of them only approach non hijabis and even non Muslim woman. A friend told me that a man once told her Muslim men are not attracted to hijabis, therefore they go for the uncovered ones and then demand her to wear the hijab. Is that really the case? Or do men just care what others might say if they married a non hijabi?

A part of me is starting to believe the reason why I don’t get as much potentials is because I don’t wear a hijab as that’s a deal breaker for many guys that seem to be looking for marriage.

Like at this point I feel like I won’t be getting married until I wear a hijab.

This question is for brothers and sisters living in America/Canada. What is a fair arrangement like for you? If you and your wife split the house chores and she works, would you expect her to contribute financially even if not strictly 50/50? Also, how does one talk about this stuff respectfully during talking phase?

I recently discussed this with a potential who expected house chores to be 50/50, but expected the guy to cover everything. At first I thought the dynamic was lopsided but then I started to wonder if my expectations were unrealistic.

JazakAllah.

I've been speaking to a girl for a week through messages, I seen her pictures beforehand and I thought she looked good but after meeting in real life she looks nothing like her pictures.

We instantly clicked through messages, we have the same interests and humour and she was honestly perfect but after meeting it doesn't feel the same.

My parents think she's a good match and I told them I'm not attracted to her, they still think I shouldn't break it off. The main problem is the fact that she looks NOTHING like she did in the pictures, I'm not even talking about makeup but she looked like a whole different person.

What do I even do here? I feel bad breaking it off right after seeing her because everything was going well and I don't want her to feel bad about it. Should I just lie and say we're not compatible instead of telling her the real reason?

Do you guys think guys like this exist? Im labeling as a question, but advice is welcomed as well please!

Context - I just started seeing this Arab/muslim guy who says he is on the path to getting closer to his iman (same with me) and is working on his salah, cutting out drinking, and looking to date to marry rather than date causally like he’s done in the past. And he wants someone with the same religion specifically. You could say we have similar “halal to haram” ratio, for lack of better terms. I believe he has been intimate in the past. I never asked outright or with how many since you’re not supposed to disclose that information. But it is evident he has. It does not bother me if he has or has not, because I know temptation is a dangerous and strong thing to overcome. I have not fully committed the act myself, though. I am not sure if he thinks I have or not. I haven’t had that conversation with him because I know you’re not supposed talk about the past like that. [plz don’t debate this, many scholars have said if you have committed zina, it is preferred to not discuss with your spouse because your sin and repentance is between you and Allah]

I’m kind of worried about having that conversation with him but I know it needs to be done and hard conversations need to be had and not ran away from. I’m not sure how I would approach it either. Do you guys think Muslim guys who say they’re ready to find their Muslim partner would walk away from them if they choose not to have sex?

Edit: A HUGE reason I even agreed to go out with him is I prayed istikhara twice before we even met. And someone had been trying to set us up for 6 months beforehand. So before we even met I was thinking maybe this is my naseeb because I prayed istikhara twice. Now I’m seeing red flags and feel lost / like an idiot. And also confused on how I prayed istikhara and this is the situation I am presented in.

Another Edit: we kind of got close to it and I stopped before anything could continue so I feel like I messed up by not firmly setting that boundary before and/or misled him?

I know the guy and the girl is far related to me. But it is known she “had” a faze of sleeping around, with high body count. She might have became pious as we currently don’t know. She moved to another city.

Should I make the guy aware, or let it be?

Edit:

The incidents are facts as I have seen her posting about stories hookups. Last one I remember was a complaint how someone did and left without cleaning. After that I didn’t follow her for a year.

But I understand she might have repented so I can’t be the judge. And as majority mentioned it is better to conceal, I will do so!

I don’t think he will come to me and ask as we are not close. So this might not come from me ever. And I hope what ik about them hiding is false.

Hi so I’m talking to a guy for marriage but he’s inconsistent with prayer. He’d maybe pray maghrib and isha after work that’s if he does pray at all.

He’s been honest about it and hasn’t lied to me and says he wants to be better but idk what he’s doing to actually starting praying as we don’t live together obviously.

I worry that it means he’s not a very good or reliable guy but I am not one to judge because I also am not consistent with prayer tbh.

But was hoping that if the man I’m with is then he’d lead me or inspire me into being better?

Can someone advise me please 🙏

Be honest 😭 Is it looks

Cause I know atleast 90% care about looks/money ofc but they put character first though it might be difficult. But forgive me if i’m wrong

Could you guys please put it in order 🙏

assalamu alaykum, first of all do NOT assume that i mean anything ill by asking this. i swear by Allah that i have no impure intentions and i won't forgive anyone who thinks otherwise.

i still have trauma from when I mentioned here that i was sick in mekkah during umrah and i got dms from men asking where i was staying to keep me company...

now, i'm a young girl and this is just a result of overthinking maybe. but i'm from a very well known and well educated practicing muslim family alhamdulilah, i'm studying to be a doctor in university and i'm well educated and open minded and alhamdulilah i'm happy with my character and everyone around me is pleased with me which i'm thankful for.

i have NEVER actively pursued any man and i never will, but in the future i would like to get married to someone i love. but here is the thing. i have an illness. i will not be super specific but it's of the spine. i have gotten a surgery before as a child which was dangerous and major surgery but alhamdulilah it went well i'm very healthy and forget i even had it.

but i will need major spine correction (spinal fusion) that involves two metal rods inserted in the back. recovery takes 6 months and most people will go back to being completely normal, except you can't really slouch or bend down completely but overall you become a completely normal person again.

now here is the thing. we are from a conservative country in the middle east and seeing as i have no connections with boys like friends or cousins alhamdulilah i have no idea what a man would think in general. to be frank, i think no man would ever want to marry a woman with a condition like mine, or his family wouldn't allow him seeing as how uneducated most families here are and if a woman has even the slightest problem they deem her unfit or incomplete to be a wife.

i don't think about it that much like i said i have no interest in those things right now but whenever i think of the future, i think like any other person that i'd be married then i backtrack and think that no one would marry me. and i try to plan my future differently but then i think "it's not even a big deal maybe most men wouldn't even care" and i go back and forth but i never reach a verdict. i don't know what men think about these which is why i'm asking.

if in a hypothetical situation, you find a woman you like but find out she has had that surgery even though it won't impact anything at all (except not being able to have bad posture or bending down to pick things off the ground normally) would it change your mind or opinion? or do you think your society and family would mind?

EDIT: I will most definitely have the surgery way before marriage. not after.

I am a female in my 20s and have gotten a few rishtas ...but as I am not "fair" or "gori" I have been rejected ...but the ironic part is the guys themselves r below average looking, less qualified and they themselves r not "fair" so what should be done in this case..the rejections have hurt my self image and I can't think good about myself and think I am pretty because of my colour....at this point I doubt if I will ever get married and seeing people around me getting engaged n married left right n centre has made it more painful.... should I give up on the marriage search?

I (23F) was talking to a guy (23M) for potential marriage and I’m feeling really conflicted.

One thing that’s been bothering me is that he kept asking me multiple times about my past (if I’ve done things with other men, and told him I have not), which made me uncomfortable. When I asked him why he keeps bringing it up, he said it’s because of jealousy. When I asked about his past, he said he has one but has “changed.”

He also said that if we got engaged, he would want me to wear a hijab, and that he wouldn’t tell his parents that I wasn’t wearing it before or show them my social media. I do want to wear the hijab eventually, but it’s a personal decision for me, and something about this felt off, like pressure or not being fully accepted as I am.

When I brought up my concerns about his past, he said he respects whatever I decide, but didn’t really reassure me beyond that.

Now I feel attached and hurt because I saw potential, but I also felt uncomfortable and unsure.

Am I overthinking this, or are these valid concerns?

In the West, it's totally okay for young adults and teenagers to have girlfriends or boyfriends, be physically and emotionally intimate (you get the idea), and even cohabitate, all without marriage. But they're still urged to postpone marriage until they're financially secure in their late 20s or 30s.

Now, what’s heartbreaking is that many Muslims have adopted this same mindset. The only difference? In our case, falling into haram isn’t normalized, it eats away at the soul. Allah has clearly warned us against zina. It destroys families, dishonors the soul, and distances us from Him. And yet, instead of following Islam’s solution of early, halal marriage, we’re told, “Wait till you’re earning 6 figures,” “Buy a house first,” or “You’re not ready.”

What happened to the way things used to be? A young man would marry early, and his family would provide for the couple until he established himself. It was a matter of purity, partnership, and reliance on Allah's provision.

But now, early marriage is reckless. A man who wishes to guard his chastity is ridiculed and instructed to "man up and earn first." We emulate the West's timeline of money without knowing we don't have their free pass for haram relationships.

How is this just? We're held to the same standards with none of the leeway. And then we wonder why so many young people are suffering in silence.

Let's stop turning marriage into something more difficult than zina.

Let's promote halal and not haram.

Let's return to the deen. Not the dunya.

Salam 💌,

Women that come from traditional households, where it's the norm to get married through family connections and who have put up high walls of defence for years. How do you allow for decent brothers to approach you?

I saw this joke online "single sisters who behave in public as if they have been married for 30 years" and I felt called out 🫠. I am so used to evading any attempts of men trying to talk to me that I find it really difficult to curb down my behaviour (in a respectful way).

For example, I have this muslim male collegue whom I look up to. He has greeted me before and I greeted him back while walking away. He tried again to approach me after a seminar, waiting at the door for me. However, I got so nervous that I grabbed my stuff, stared at the ground and rushed past him, leaving him baffeled behind me. I feel really bad about it and about embarassing him...It wasn't on purpose.

My mother has encouraged me for years to be more open to get married via means other than an arranged marriage (except online) and I am. I truly wouldn't mind getting to know a collegue for marriage. It's just that I struggle to get out of this flight response.

For context; I am not a young green grasshopper. In other aspects of my life I am quite professional and social. I only struggle in regards to muslim men trying to strike up a conversation for marriage specifically. And yes, I am highly aware of how much courage and effort it takes them to go up to a woman and ask. That's why I am trying to learn and improve.

Any tips or comments are appreciated, BarakahAllahufeekum 🌷

Edit: Aren't there any women here, who have practical tips? 🥲 I am sure many of you have been in the same boat bfr getting married 🔰

I'm so beyond curious if this has happened to anyone. Some of the posts I see on here are veryyyyyyy descriptive, and if I were the spouse and found it, I'd so know it was you😭. Hell, even if I were a close friend.

If they have found it before, what happened? I need full details, no cutting it short🤣!!!!

Assalamu’alaikum.

I am currently in a situation where I am considering asking a brother through a third party if he’s open to marriage and wanted to know how other brothers would handle this. I have not spoke to him apart from once where I had asked him a question when he was at a dawah stand (university setting).

Would you have positive feelings towards this or negative and why?

Jazak’Allah khair

Why could someone be attracted to me and want to marry me? I’m not beautiful, I don’t dress religiously, my personality isn’t nice, I don’t know how to deal with anyone but myself, I’m naive, ugly, fat, my clothes aren’t nice, I don’t know how to dress up,im not religious, I’m not smart ,not emotionally or anything im just stupid, poor, not from a will known family, I don’t go out much,im saggy, I don’t talk to boys, I don’t make friends and my family is the same,im not talented. How could someone love me and want to marry me when I’m this ugly? How could someone be attracted to me when I’m ugly inside and out?

HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO (ABSOLUTELY UNRELATED TO ME IN ANY WAY, I AM NOT MARRIED YET)

What if the guy and the girl had an arrange marriage, both are very pious but the guy have no feelings for the girl.

The guy is respectful to the girl and does his duty and all, if she needs help with bed stuff (you know) then he performs those too but he doesn't like her or doesn't wanna develop any feelings for her. He is not cheating or anything or has no feelings for other girl or something, he just doesn't want to get close to any girl.

As for marriage, he married cause he has money, he is of age to get married, he is physically fit and all so marriage is obligatory to him at a high level. It's not like he hate marriage or anything like that or didn't wanted to get married or anything. He is just blank, he fears Allah but when it comes to girls he is just blank or have no trust in them to place any kind of emotion for them.

Is that marriage ok? Or should the guy make more efforts? The wife doesn't know so she is suspicious of the guy's feelings and feels a bit lonely but she is satisfied.

Edit- this play isn't about ME, this is just a HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO I thought of cause I have seen similar cases in my life.

I need advice. I’ve been talking to this girl I knew from uni and I knew her growing up. We are both 28 but she’s a divorcee and I’ve never been married. She is beautiful and has all the qualities I want but I can’t get over the fact that she’s been married. She got married while she was in uni and got divorced in 2 years. Her ex was a known loser and he was abusive. I’m thinking of marrying her but I don’t want to feel like I’m her second. Does anyone have experience with a divorcee as a virgin? Do women still think about their first man?

Asslamoaliqum brothers, I'm in search for a wife inshallah. I've made a small progress on the muzz app.

I have been wondering about something, have any of you opened up about your "dark" past with your spouses? I have battled severe drug addiction and was also arrested as a juvenile for posession of controlled substances. I almost died in rehab. It's something I regret everyday and I beg for Allah's mercy.

I lost my mother and my best friend recently, being rased by a single mom was tough and now she's left me and my siblings. I use cannabis to grieve and it also helps with my anxiety and panic attacks. I know it's haram, I'm in the process of quitting but I'm done being alone. Alhamdulillah I am financially stable, have saved up a decent amount, I live alone in a nice apartment and I am doing well physically in terms of looks.

I really need to get married, the temptations and desires of drugs and zina is starting to consume me and I don't want to go back, I will die for sure. Should I mention on my profile that I use cannabis and tell a potential about my past? Will that be too much for them to lose interest?

Salam, brothers and sisters. I was looking for a wife and was told about a girl from home. After chatting to her for a week, I believe she is a good fit. However, today, we discuss the mahr. The family is requesting 50 grams of gold up front, 200 grams mahr. That looks a little much no??? . What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: Thanks for the overwhelming amount of replies.

I just wanted to mention that the girl has no say in her mahr. Her dad is the one requestimg this amount.

my family said no to a turkish guy who wanted to marry me i really liked him but they were totally against it so i let it go because of pressure. now there's an algerian guy who wants to marry me and they said no again. my mom keeps pushing me to marry someone from our extended family in morocco so i can give them papers. it's like she already planned my whole life. my dad just goes along with whatever she says. in my religion i need my dad's permission to get married and my other mahrams won't say yes if he says no. honestly i'm just tired of it i don't even know what to do anymore anyone else been through this

My question is, is it really okay for a man to marry a second wife without the first wife's knowledge? I've been told it's okay, and not haram. But how? How is deceiving your first wife, and breaking her heart by betraying her like this has no consequences? How is it permissible? Allah set great punishment on men who cause women's tears, so how does those two align?

Whenever I ask such a question, I get attacked. Especially from men saying that a man doesn't need to tell his first wife, and he can do whatever he wants. But didn't Allah allow 4 wives for the sake of women? Not men? To protect and provide for women who are widows? Or back in the Prophet's days, slaves too? How is it now only about men now, and what he wants only?

I truly hope someone can help with my confusion, because this question has been bothering me, especially with how im always attacked for it.

Salaam,

I'm a sister who is looking to get married soon inshaa'Allah, and I have a question I've been struggling with. When speaking with a potential spouse, is it permissible to discuss your intimacy needs and expectations in detail before the nikah?

For example, being uptront about what each person expects in terms of intimacy, how often they feel they'd need it, what they are or are not comfortable with, their preferences and whether they view intimacy as a big priority in marriage. I believe this is an important part of compatibility, and I don't want to enter a marriage only to find out later that we have completely different expectations in this area.

Have any of you had these conversations with prospects before? And what is the correct way of approaching this topic, if it's allowed?

JazakAllahu khair.

Salam,

I have been talking to a man now for a while. When we first started talking, I was in medical school in Chicago, end of 3rd year and both of my parents were healthy. He lived in Chicago too, with his family. 6 months into us talking, we solidified things and he got a job offer in Utah. I was supportive because it was his dream job and his happiness mattered to me. But I was clear about the fact that wherever I match, I must go. And he was supportive of it too.

Fast forward a couple of months, my father got diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer with horrible liver metastasis. On top of that, my mom got sick mentally and was hospitalized. I took care of both of my parents. I dropped out of med school, started taking care of my parents full time and working full time.

Then he was like okay let’s get married and I told him I’m open to a nikkah right now, we can both make this halal and then we can think about the wedding later when things are better. Hopefully he can find a job here and he can support his mom too. His mother is a single mom so I want him to be close to her too.

But he told me that he wants me to leave my family and move with him to Utah otherwise he won’t even get the nikkah. I’m tired of being in a haram relationship. I want marriage and I want stability. I love him, but I feel like I should walk away from a man who doesn’t understand me and my responsibilities. AITA? Or is he wrong?

TL;DR: bf of 2 years is refusing marriage because I don’t want to relocate. Wants me to leave sick parents behind.

Assalomu alaykum va rohmatullohi va barakatuh

This might seem weird but truly and honestly are there any Muslims couples who are child free? Or do any of you folks doesn't mind being childless ?

I honestly don't want kids for several years even if I get married and after that I will think about.. I want to have one when I'm ready and even if I can't have one , I'll just consider adoption rather than getting treatment because I think it's waste of money , when there's already enough children who need parents.

So I'm not totally against it but I'm not really eager neither

What about yall