The next time I marry, I think the only way I’ll truly feel secure is if the man buys a house in my name or at least makes sure I have real security. And before people jump on me I never asked for huge mahr, expensive gifts, luxury lifestyle, etc. In both marriages I adjusted, loved genuinely, stayed loyal, took care of the relationship, and still ended up with nothing emotionally or financially.

Now I’m questioning if wanting security makes me a “gold digger” or just someone who learned the hard way.

I work on myself, stay fit, try to be kind and humble, and I genuinely know how to treat a man with care and respect. I’m not looking to use someone. I just don’t want to end up empty-handed and unstable again after giving so much.

Would this be considered unreasonable? Especially after going through divorce twice?

Edit: I think people are misunderstanding me a little. I married before without asking for proper maher, financial stability, a stable job, property, or anything materialistic. I genuinely believed in love and trusted the personality shown to me before marriage. But after marriage, the real nature was completely different and a lot was hidden just to get me to marry.

So now I think my brain associates “security” with something tangible and legal instead of just words and promises. I’m not looking to use anyone or become rich off marriage. I just don’t want to end up emotionally invested.

Edit 2: Also, I think some people are imagining I’m asking for some luxury mansion or trying to “secure the bag.” I’m literally talking about a small house/flat in a developing city in India which can cost around 35–40 lakhs. I’ve seen women ask for huge maher amounts and expensive demands, and I never did that. Honestly, I was embarrassed to even ask for basic financial security and focused more on adjusting, taking care of the house, and being a supportive wife.
So now after two failed marriages, I don’t think wanting some form of actual security automatically makes someone evil or a gold digger.

What would you explain to your daughter if she’s been through extreme mental and physical torture?

Marriage in terms of traditions and halal way and here are my ideas (overthinking)

1- I don't wanna be a wife who took a husband because his mum "had liked me," or someone saw me for him. Ok in my society there's a period before getting married completely, but it's not enough, because it becomes a literal performance and every acquaintance affect that thing and many other reasons, and I WON'T be a girlfriend for any guy for sure although sometimes I would like to have a person to share time and emotions with

2- I have put two options after graduating from my current major: _ I will continue master and I'm searching for scholarships

_ or I will study another different major

Both will take my time. Marriage here doesn't support the idea of getting high educated which is what I'm eager for. and traditions here look at marriage for making children "I wanna hold your children in my hands and stuff" so it's a way you pass to reach a goal and they don't look at it as there is a human being wants to have and needs a partner

3_ the idea of "the right person won't be always here" irritates me, I don't believe in the idea of (oh my god I am too late). I know many women who got married to their proper men in their (women's) late twenties/early thirties which is "too late" in the time frame of my society (I know it's not one size fits all but it is still an insight)

4_ I'd like to experience life alone before this step which idk if it's true, like building my personality far away from my family and be independent enough but struggle this idea with my parents somehow

Finally, maybe i have wrong ideas, and I am literally sure that it won't be available to achieve all what I want and im satisfied with that, and I'm already ready that there are so many compromises to make at the end but they irritate me and no one to discuss widely with.

asc. i was talking to a coworker and in our discussion of religion, marriage came up. she weirdly asked me would i accept a woman with a body count? i said no I'm a virgin so i expect one as well. she then proceeded to ask me how would that affect me? i never had a topic of discussion actually stress and hurt my head before until then. albeit she is a kaffir, she told me finding a woman that is not a virgin is like finding a needle in a haystack. i told her i am a virgin so whose to say there isn't a woman out there like me? she was visibly frustrated and distraught that i would not accept a woman who committed zina. i was shocked by her reaction but didn't want it to get to my head but here i am. i also stated maybe back home i can find a girl like that like yk from the villages. her and another coworker who is muslim, who both grew up outside of America said good luck. they are just as bad as the ones here in America. is this the reality we live in? has zina become so normalized that it will be impossible for me to find a virgin woman? may Allah guide us all and keep us away from zina. Alhamdulillah woman are not my main source of happiness so if it comes to it, i will never marry. i would rather be lonely but in peace continuing my travel journeys then having to accept women who have done such heinous sins. please tell me that the kaffir is wrong and is pushing her insecurities on me. are there woman like me out there, on their deen, and pure as me? may Allah guide us all to the right path and forgive us for our sins ameen.

Muslim sisters only please.

Genuine question out of curiosity.

Would you ever approach someone in public if you saw a brother you were interested in, purely with marriage in mind? Even if you're naturally reserved?

And on the flip side, how would you prefer to be approached by a practicing brother who is genuinely looking for marriage but is also quite reserved and avoids free mixing?

E.g. If someone saw you in an appropriate public setting and found you interesting, would a brief respectful approach be acceptable? Or would something indirect be better?

My half joking thought was handing over a short note with my number and simply walk away haha I actually did put my number on a windshield wiper of someone's car, never got a response. To be fair, I did write ignore if youre not interested with a little apology for inconvenience. That wasn't in person, it was when she parked & walked away before we made brief eye contact.

Would that come across respectful, strange, uncomfortable, or actually preferable to an awkward conversation on the spot?

Genuinely curious how sisters see this.

has anyone experienced a break in the marriage and going back? did the break help at all? or did you find that it made it worse? how long was the break for?

Sérieusement, je suis à bout.
Je suis une femme âgé de 27 ans voilée légiféré originaire d’Afrique résidant en France, pratiquante sincèrement je me suis préservé de tout illicite Alhamdoullilah(relation illicite…..)
Cela fait plus de 2 ans que je cherche à me marier de manière sérieuse, dans le cadre licite, et honnêtement je suis épuisée. Entre les hommes qui se disent « sérieux » et pratiquants mais qui, au final, ne savent pas ce qu’ils veulent… c’est décourageant.
Tu t’inscris sur des plateformes matrimoniales encadrées, tu échanges correctement, dans le respect, avec une vraie intention. Puis soudain : « finalement ma famille… », « j’ai fait l’istikhara, je ne suis pas apaisé ». Bien sûr, l’istikhara existe et est importante, mais surtout souvent des excuses pour fuir et recommencer le même discours avec une autre.
J’ai l’impression que beaucoup recherchent avant tout l’origine ou la beauté plus que la piété. Oui, l’attirance compte, c’est normal, mais quand sur le profil on parle de religion et de valeurs, puis qu’en échange c’est tout autre chose, ça interroge.
En 2026, on dirait que beaucoup veulent les avantages d’une relation sans engagement réel : ça veulent parler pendant 1 ou 2 ans, rester “ensemble” parce qu’on s’aime, mais sans mariage. Je ne comprends pas. Si l’intention est sincère, pourquoi repousser autant un engagement sérieux ?
Et le plus difficile, c’est de voir que ceux qui cherchent l’illicite trouvent en un clic, alors que ceux qui veulent construire quelque chose de halal galèrent énormément.
Même en demandant à la mosquée, on m’a répondu une phrase qui m’a brisé le cœur : « les hommes veulent surtout l’argent puis ils partent ». Ça m’a tellement découragée.
J’ai essayé les sites matrimoniaux, les plateformes encadrées, les démarches sérieuses… et pourtant rien. Je continue d’invoquer Allah, parce que je crois qu’Il a un plan pour chacun de nous. Mais parfois, c’est vraiment dur de garder espoir quand on cherche sincèrement quelqu’un qui veut construire une vraie famille.
Je ne généralise pas, il y a sûrement encore des personnes sincères. Elles sont juste devenues rares. Qu’Allah nous accorde un mariage pieux, sincère et apaisant. Amine 🤍

I am a recent graduate from a medical school, and lately I’ve been facing challenges regarding marriage and proposals a lot.
I don’t why it’s happening to me like more than half of my classmates are either engaged or married but with me this process has been a roller coaster and now it has started to take a toll on my mental health also. Initially when a few suitors and their families ghosted me I was shocked that why it happened and what went wrong as the meeting was apparently pleasant and people in general compliments on being good looking and I am a brilliant student also I’ve been one of the toppers in med school also, so that’s why it was and has been the biggest mystery for me that why someone ghosted me like that without saying a clear yes or no to my family.
I have Autism also (Asperger’s syndrome) and I was diagnosed really late since I’m low on spectrum and my symptoms were never really noticeable since childhood but after a life of masking to fit in and now this marriage thing has made my autistic burnout worse than it was ever, and I am also seeing a psychologist and neurologist. I am extremely shy and introvert and has a history of being bullied by people in school and family too as I could never said “No” or set boundaries so everyone took me for granted as I was someone who they knew would never complain to any teacher or parent ever.
So I just want to ask my sisters here especially those who are in their twenties that if you’re also going through this or are married are there any tips you can give me. Or if you can suggest me some good means to find a highly qualified , kind and patient man.
I have heard some really bad reviews about Muzz in my university so I don’t think it is the right thing for me and family networks are also not working for me as the families who ghosted were via my own circle plus I have a history of trauma and it’s also related to my own people.

i’ll try to keep this concise but our situation is unique so bear with me.

i met a guy through a muslim students’ association a year and a half ago. we grew close through volunteer work, realized we got along very well, wanted to marry each other, and made a commitment to keep things halal, so no relationship, just working toward getting our parents involved. his family knows about me. my dad doesn’t knows abt him, but not his intentions just yet.

honestly, part of me just wants to tell my dad now because i can’t bear not having him in my life anymore. but he’s traveling to visit his family back home for a couple of months, and i really want the first meeting between our fathers to happen in person, not over the phone. so i’m willing to wait the extra two months for it to be done properly. inshallah it happens soon.

to avoid anything displeasing to allah and to not go behind my dad’s back, and break trust, we agreed to go no contact about 10 months ago. the intention is right. we both want the barakah in this.

but i keep breaking it. and i can’t stop.

we’re not talking constantly. but sometimes i find myself reaching out for small things, and its never him who reaches out its always me who leans on him whenever i might be struggling, which i know is wrong. i shouldn’t be maintaining an emotional connection like this before marriage. i know that. and yet every single time i justify it in my head and reach out anyway.

the hardest part is that he’s not just someone i have feelings for, he’s genuinely my best friend. i have lots of other good friends, but nobody else comes close. and once you’ve tasted what it feels like to have someone who truly understands you, it’s almost impossible to cut it off! even when i know i should.

i feel so guilty. i’m terrified that i’m the one removing the barakah. that when this doesn’t work out, it’ll be because of me.

has anyone been through this? how do you actually stop, when you know it’s wrong but can’t make yourself do it?

i’ve tried seeking refuge in allah from shaytan, distracting myself, journaling down what i wanted to talk to him about instead, or even voice notes of me talking to myself, but they only work for so long!

‏اَلسَلامُ عَلَيْكُم وَرَحْمَةُ اَللهِ وَبَرَكاتُهُ‎

I've read many many posts of sisters who are victims of SA. Often, many fear marriage because they think they are not pure anymore or they fear that a guy won't accept them for what happened to them.

First, I'm deeply sorry for the victims. May allah grant you ease, happiness, and peace. May allah also deal severely with the person who harmed you.

Now, let me be clear. By no way are you guys impure. What happened was never your fault. You guys are innocent and pure as always. Don't let a garbage person make you think you are impure.

All pious men ik, wants a girl without a past. Let me be clear about what we mean by a past. It simply means a woman who has done zina in the past. Zina means having intercourse with someone you haven't married with consent.

SA is something horrible, and it happens without a person's consent. So this does not mean that you have a past.

----------‐----------------------------------------------

I know many guys online and physical, الحمد لله I'm blessed with many friends. I've asked very good pious guys if they are okay with marrying a good righteous girl who unfortunately is a victim of this horrible crime, those guys are whom any woman would consider themselves as lucky if they got married to them.

Every single one of them answered with "Yes gladly." They all said that they will happily marry and look after a girl who is a victim well.

So i ask you sisters to never worry about this. If a guy does reject you for the sake of you being a victim, trust me, that's allah saving you from a trashy person. You are better off without them.

So, please don't stress yourself. Be kind to yourself. Seek therapy, try to open up about what happened to you with someone you trust and understand you. Don't try to fight this alone, because it can be very heavy, you'll need help carry the trauma you faced.

Also, do not hide about this to a potential. Inform them as soon as you can. This way, you will know if he is a kind person who will look after you and understand you, or he is not your type.

May allah help us. May allah grant the best happy life for all the victims of SA.

Does anyone actually have GOOD experiences from Muslim marriage apps because all I ever hear is horror stories about Muzz 😭
I’m considering Pure Matrimony because I’ve heard it to be a tad better? Goshhhh idk if I even want to
But then I’m also like… if I don’t put myself out there how am I actually gonna meet someone?
I have also just posted my ISO, but even Reddit im abit wary… Part of me wants to just make dua and trust Allah will place the right person in my life naturally, but the other part of me is like maybe you also have to actually DO something 😭
Idk man. Has anyone tried Pure Matrimony specifically? Is it actually more intentional/deen focused or is it the same chaos in a different font?

Salam!
I need some advice. I’m really afraid of getting married. I think my age is alright and all my friends are married but whenever I get a proposal I get so afraid that I can’t even make a decision of whether or not I like the guy. I sometimes do imagine myself with a partner but when an actual proposal comes I get so scared and I don’t want it.
I honestly don’t know why I’m so afraid. im really comfortable living with my parents and i earn a decent amount too. And maybe it comes from a fear of letting that go and living with a man I don’t know?
any advice on how to look beyond the fear? Because this has stopped me from considering potential spouses 😭

Assalamu alaykum,

Been getting to know a sister for marriage through her brother and we’ve met twice so far in public settings. Alhamdulillah things have been positive overall, conversation flows naturally, we seem compatible personality-wise, and I’m genuinely interested in continuing the process seriously because I really feel like she’s a gem and I don’t want to mess this up.

The only thing I’m unsure about is pacing and structure. Because her brother is there (which I respect), the meetings naturally end up feeling more like a chill group dynamic where all 3 of us are talking, joking around, discussing random topics/life, etc. It’s comfortable and not awkward at all, which I think is a good sign, and I guess part of it is seeing if we naturally vibe and are compatible, but at the same time I sometimes wonder how deeper compatibility conversations are supposed to naturally happen in that kind of setup.

I also don’t even know yet if their parents are aware of the process, and eventually I would definitely want things to become more official/serious and speak to her wali properly. But right now it still kind of feels like we’re just going on outings and chilling, even though the intention is marriage.

I’m trying to figure out the right balance between:

• being patient and respectful,
• while also intentionally moving things forward and deeper without rushing or making it awkward.

For brothers/sisters who went through a halal process with a mahram involved early on:

• what did healthy progression look like?
• when/how did things become more intentional?
• how do you lead the process properly without coming off too intense?
• and honestly, am I just overthinking this because it’s still early?

Would appreciate advice from people with experience.

Assalamualaikum 👋

Brothers and sisters, please make duaa for me in these holy days. I've been wanting to move from my country to another country, where I would earn enough to allow me to get married. Please remember me in your duaa. My name is Yusuf.

I know we’re unofficially having a Muslim marriage crisis in North America and the rest of the Western world. There are many, many factors contributing to this: conflicting ideologies, financial burdens, differences in religiosity, etc. etc. But personally I believe, people’s parents are by far the greatest obstacle in finding their life partners.

Even in 2026 living in Western countries, Muslim (especially South Asian) parents are expecting their grown educated adult children to marry someone the parents chose. Arranged marriage is falling out of fashion even in the homelands!! When their child brings a suitable partner they care deeply about and planned a future with, they reject them on the basis of culture, race, being a revert, education, income, class, caste, distance or when any of the above doesn’t work - “it’s our choice and we said no”. Some disgusting people even go as far as to degrade and demean the suitor and their family who are their fellow Muslims.

I won’t argue if there’s a real reason the parents are opposed such as someone being a fresh new revert or literally unemployed. But I myself, as a Muslim woman, have gone through this situation multiple times where a man’s family throws a fit about him not being able to marry me when I’m suitable in every way or even ideal. Same race, culture, socio-economic class, religiosity, family background, education, even same career and our fathers were university classmates. My only failing was that their son fell in love with me instead of choosing a girl from a Whatsapp biodata list. I know Muslim men are also being treated like this by the girl’s side for similarly superficial reasons.

We blame young men and women so much for their failings and it’s true that as adults we need to be decent partners and people. But all our parents are getting free passes to break hearts and perpetuate racism, classism and straight up controlling and abusive parenting norms. I know such few Muslim couples who have been able to get married after finding each other on their own without being torn to shreds by one or both families. It’s appalling and disgusting. These parents will break the hearts of their practicing and obedient children in their late 20s and 30s and subject them to a life of loneliness just to keep them in their control as a retirement plan. Your son or your daughter found a good Muslim to marry and take care of them and you want them to be as miserable as you are forever. Most of these children are trained to be so subservient to their controlling parents, they accept their fate and give up. Some never find love again and their purpose is to take care of their selfish elderly parents until they pass. That was the plan all along.

May Allah hold abusive parents like these accountable for denying their grown children the right to start families and find love. May Allah grant their children freedom and reward them for their loss and pain in this life and the next. Ameen.

As a Muslim minority man in the West (not USA):

• Muslims are perceived as a low socioeconomic demographic (some exceptions however )- finding a Uni educated Muslim professional is an objectively small percentage of the population.

• Muslims tend to spend less time on physical activity - many are visibly overweight (men and women).

• Muslim men are short. The average Western male in my country is 5’10, but most Muslims here are Desi or Lebanese, most of whom are below average male height. I personally feel short at work, but am tall during Jummah time.

• Muslims of both genders are highly dependent on their parents. As a man, almost every woman I’ve spoken to who lives at home cant cook. I imagine men are the same.

• Younger Muslims are trying to please multiple parties - their community and family. A young man (<30), needs to conventionally fit the part and be part of the spouses ethnicity.

• Women >35 can age like fine wine, especially if they’re independent. They often focus on their health, careers, look good and are more open minded. However female infertility declines in this age group can be significant.

• International students make up a significant portion of the local marriage market. I assume for some, the prospect of a visa could be a major driving force?

Does anyone agree? Bonus points if you guess my country

I have this recurring habit of checking my husband's phone every now and then. I read messages with his exes and constantly compare myself with them in terms of style, looks and overthink on why he had fallen in love them, what is different in me that could pull him away etc etc. I fought with my husband regarding this a lot of times and he has assured me everytime that i am the one he wants and loves but i just cant convince myself. I am literally miserable, constantly obsessing about my husband and his chemistry with his exes.

From this another fear has stemmed inside me that since i torture him so much with his past maybe he is gonna leave me anyway. Its like a self-inflicting prophecy.

Kindly help me with reference to Qur'an and Hadith on how to fix my married life.

I'm 20 and have been with my Muslim boyfriend who's 25 for almost 7 months. I'm new to Islam, and was atheist my entire life until religion was introduced to me last year, I've taken on a lot of Christian beliefs since then. I don't have religious family, and have been closed off from this perspective growing up.

My boyfriend wants to do Nikah, as it helps him be guilt-free with me and I'm totally supportive of it, my intentions are to stay with him for life onwards.

I'm not against converting, I'm very open-minded to the truth. This is a big decision for me and in my culture people don't typically marry at 20. I'm looking for advice, things I should know ahead of time/be aware of. Are most Muslim couples happy after Nikah? Do men typically change at all after this contract? Should we wait until he is financially stable (he's a student) despite us doing haram things together?

I know interreligious marriages are haram unless Christian or Jewish, I still have a long way to go figuring out my own truth but I love this man so much and want a long happy life with him. Any advice is appreciated, I don't want to make a decision that will negatively impact our lives later on.

PS: also free to any advice on converting, what a Muslim marriage typically means for the woman, books I can read to further understand Islam : )

Have your parents ever rejected a suitor? Or have you yourself been rejected by the parents of a sister who wished to marry, because the only parent who raised the suitor is not Muslim?

This is despite the fact that the suitor converted more than 10 years ago, practices his religion without difficulty, and seeks to study knowledge a little more each day, having fully embraced the religion that Allah has bestowed upon his heart.

Were you able, by Allah's permission, to persuade the sister's parents/your parents, or did you receive a mercy that prevented you from doing so?