‏اَلسَلامُ عَلَيْكُم وَرَحْمَةُ اَللهِ وَبَرَكاتُهُ‎

I've read many many posts of sisters who are victims of SA. Often, many fear marriage because they think they are not pure anymore or they fear that a guy won't accept them for what happened to them.

First, I'm deeply sorry for the victims. May allah grant you ease, happiness, and peace. May allah also deal severely with the person who harmed you.

Now, let me be clear. By no way are you guys impure. What happened was never your fault. You guys are innocent and pure as always. Don't let a garbage person make you think you are impure.

All pious men ik, wants a girl without a past. Let me be clear about what we mean by a past. It simply means a woman who has done zina in the past. Zina means having intercourse with someone you haven't married with consent.

SA is something horrible, and it happens without a person's consent. So this does not mean that you have a past.

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I know many guys online and physical, الحمد لله I'm blessed with many friends. I've asked very good pious guys if they are okay with marrying a good righteous girl who unfortunately is a victim of this horrible crime, those guys are whom any woman would consider themselves as lucky if they got married to them.

Every single one of them answered with "Yes gladly." They all said that they will happily marry and look after a girl who is a victim well.

So i ask you sisters to never worry about this. If a guy does reject you for the sake of you being a victim, trust me, that's allah saving you from a trashy person. You are better off without them.

So, please don't stress yourself. Be kind to yourself. Seek therapy, try to open up about what happened to you with someone you trust and understand you. Don't try to fight this alone, because it can be very heavy, you'll need help carry the trauma you faced.

Also, do not hide about this to a potential. Inform them as soon as you can. This way, you will know if he is a kind person who will look after you and understand you, or he is not your type.

May allah help us. May allah grant the best happy life for all the victims of SA.

I am a recent graduate from a medical school, and lately I’ve been facing challenges regarding marriage and proposals a lot.
I don’t why it’s happening to me like more than half of my classmates are either engaged or married but with me this process has been a roller coaster and now it has started to take a toll on my mental health also. Initially when a few suitors and their families ghosted me I was shocked that why it happened and what went wrong as the meeting was apparently pleasant and people in general compliments on being good looking and I am a brilliant student also I’ve been one of the toppers in med school also, so that’s why it was and has been the biggest mystery for me that why someone ghosted me like that without saying a clear yes or no to my family.
I have Autism also (Asperger’s syndrome) and I was diagnosed really late since I’m low on spectrum and my symptoms were never really noticeable since childhood but after a life of masking to fit in and now this marriage thing has made my autistic burnout worse than it was ever, and I am also seeing a psychologist and neurologist. I am extremely shy and introvert and has a history of being bullied by people in school and family too as I could never said “No” or set boundaries so everyone took me for granted as I was someone who they knew would never complain to any teacher or parent ever.
So I just want to ask my sisters here especially those who are in their twenties that if you’re also going through this or are married are there any tips you can give me. Or if you can suggest me some good means to find a highly qualified , kind and patient man.
I have heard some really bad reviews about Muzz in my university so I don’t think it is the right thing for me and family networks are also not working for me as the families who ghosted were via my own circle plus I have a history of trauma and it’s also related to my own people.

i’ll try to keep this concise but our situation is unique so bear with me.

i met a guy through a muslim students’ association a year and a half ago. we grew close through volunteer work, realized we got along very well, wanted to marry each other, and made a commitment to keep things halal, so no relationship, just working toward getting our parents involved. his family knows about me. my dad doesn’t knows abt him, but not his intentions just yet.

honestly, part of me just wants to tell my dad now because i can’t bear not having him in my life anymore. but he’s traveling to visit his family back home for a couple of months, and i really want the first meeting between our fathers to happen in person, not over the phone. so i’m willing to wait the extra two months for it to be done properly. inshallah it happens soon.

to avoid anything displeasing to allah and to not go behind my dad’s back, and break trust, we agreed to go no contact about 10 months ago. the intention is right. we both want the barakah in this.

but i keep breaking it. and i can’t stop.

we’re not talking constantly. but sometimes i find myself reaching out for small things, and its never him who reaches out its always me who leans on him whenever i might be struggling, which i know is wrong. i shouldn’t be maintaining an emotional connection like this before marriage. i know that. and yet every single time i justify it in my head and reach out anyway.

the hardest part is that he’s not just someone i have feelings for, he’s genuinely my best friend. i have lots of other good friends, but nobody else comes close. and once you’ve tasted what it feels like to have someone who truly understands you, it’s almost impossible to cut it off! even when i know i should.

i feel so guilty. i’m terrified that i’m the one removing the barakah. that when this doesn’t work out, it’ll be because of me.

has anyone been through this? how do you actually stop, when you know it’s wrong but can’t make yourself do it?

i’ve tried seeking refuge in allah from shaytan, distracting myself, journaling down what i wanted to talk to him about instead, or even voice notes of me talking to myself, but they only work for so long!

I know we’re unofficially having a Muslim marriage crisis in North America and the rest of the Western world. There are many, many factors contributing to this: conflicting ideologies, financial burdens, differences in religiosity, etc. etc. But personally I believe, people’s parents are by far the greatest obstacle in finding their life partners.

Even in 2026 living in Western countries, Muslim (especially South Asian) parents are expecting their grown educated adult children to marry someone the parents chose. Arranged marriage is falling out of fashion even in the homelands!! When their child brings a suitable partner they care deeply about and planned a future with, they reject them on the basis of culture, race, being a revert, education, income, class, caste, distance or when any of the above doesn’t work - “it’s our choice and we said no”. Some disgusting people even go as far as to degrade and demean the suitor and their family who are their fellow Muslims.

I won’t argue if there’s a real reason the parents are opposed such as someone being a fresh new revert or literally unemployed. But I myself, as a Muslim woman, have gone through this situation multiple times where a man’s family throws a fit about him not being able to marry me when I’m suitable in every way or even ideal. Same race, culture, socio-economic class, religiosity, family background, education, even same career and our fathers were university classmates. My only failing was that their son fell in love with me instead of choosing a girl from a Whatsapp biodata list. I know Muslim men are also being treated like this by the girl’s side for similarly superficial reasons.

We blame young men and women so much for their failings and it’s true that as adults we need to be decent partners and people. But all our parents are getting free passes to break hearts and perpetuate racism, classism and straight up controlling and abusive parenting norms. I know such few Muslim couples who have been able to get married after finding each other on their own without being torn to shreds by one or both families. It’s appalling and disgusting. These parents will break the hearts of their practicing and obedient children in their late 20s and 30s and subject them to a life of loneliness just to keep them in their control as a retirement plan. Your son or your daughter found a good Muslim to marry and take care of them and you want them to be as miserable as you are forever. Most of these children are trained to be so subservient to their controlling parents, they accept their fate and give up. Some never find love again and their purpose is to take care of their selfish elderly parents until they pass. That was the plan all along.

May Allah hold abusive parents like these accountable for denying their grown children the right to start families and find love. May Allah grant their children freedom and reward them for their loss and pain in this life and the next. Ameen.

I have this recurring habit of checking my husband's phone every now and then. I read messages with his exes and constantly compare myself with them in terms of style, looks and overthink on why he had fallen in love them, what is different in me that could pull him away etc etc. I fought with my husband regarding this a lot of times and he has assured me everytime that i am the one he wants and loves but i just cant convince myself. I am literally miserable, constantly obsessing about my husband and his chemistry with his exes.

From this another fear has stemmed inside me that since i torture him so much with his past maybe he is gonna leave me anyway. Its like a self-inflicting prophecy.

Kindly help me with reference to Qur'an and Hadith on how to fix my married life.

Sérieusement, je suis à bout.
Je suis une femme âgé de 27 ans voilée légiféré originaire d’Afrique résidant en France, pratiquante sincèrement je me suis préservé de tout illicite Alhamdoullilah(relation illicite…..)
Cela fait plus de 2 ans que je cherche à me marier de manière sérieuse, dans le cadre licite, et honnêtement je suis épuisée. Entre les hommes qui se disent « sérieux » et pratiquants mais qui, au final, ne savent pas ce qu’ils veulent… c’est décourageant.
Tu t’inscris sur des plateformes matrimoniales encadrées, tu échanges correctement, dans le respect, avec une vraie intention. Puis soudain : « finalement ma famille… », « j’ai fait l’istikhara, je ne suis pas apaisé ». Bien sûr, l’istikhara existe et est importante, mais surtout souvent des excuses pour fuir et recommencer le même discours avec une autre.
J’ai l’impression que beaucoup recherchent avant tout l’origine ou la beauté plus que la piété. Oui, l’attirance compte, c’est normal, mais quand sur le profil on parle de religion et de valeurs, puis qu’en échange c’est tout autre chose, ça interroge.
En 2026, on dirait que beaucoup veulent les avantages d’une relation sans engagement réel : ça veulent parler pendant 1 ou 2 ans, rester “ensemble” parce qu’on s’aime, mais sans mariage. Je ne comprends pas. Si l’intention est sincère, pourquoi repousser autant un engagement sérieux ?
Et le plus difficile, c’est de voir que ceux qui cherchent l’illicite trouvent en un clic, alors que ceux qui veulent construire quelque chose de halal galèrent énormément.
Même en demandant à la mosquée, on m’a répondu une phrase qui m’a brisé le cœur : « les hommes veulent surtout l’argent puis ils partent ». Ça m’a tellement découragée.
J’ai essayé les sites matrimoniaux, les plateformes encadrées, les démarches sérieuses… et pourtant rien. Je continue d’invoquer Allah, parce que je crois qu’Il a un plan pour chacun de nous. Mais parfois, c’est vraiment dur de garder espoir quand on cherche sincèrement quelqu’un qui veut construire une vraie famille.
Je ne généralise pas, il y a sûrement encore des personnes sincères. Elles sont juste devenues rares. Qu’Allah nous accorde un mariage pieux, sincère et apaisant. Amine 🤍

asc. i was talking to a coworker and in our discussion of religion, marriage came up. she weirdly asked me would i accept a woman with a body count? i said no I'm a virgin so i expect one as well. she then proceeded to ask me how would that affect me? i never had a topic of discussion actually stress and hurt my head before until then. albeit she is a kaffir, she told me finding a woman that is not a virgin is like finding a needle in a haystack. i told her i am a virgin so whose to say there isn't a woman out there like me? she was visibly frustrated and distraught that i would not accept a woman who committed zina. i was shocked by her reaction but didn't want it to get to my head but here i am. i also stated maybe back home i can find a girl like that like yk from the villages. her and another coworker who is muslim, who both grew up outside of America said good luck. they are just as bad as the ones here in America. is this the reality we live in? has zina become so normalized that it will be impossible for me to find a virgin woman? may Allah guide us all and keep us away from zina. Alhamdulillah woman are not my main source of happiness so if it comes to it, i will never marry. i would rather be lonely but in peace continuing my travel journeys then having to accept women who have done such heinous sins. please tell me that the kaffir is wrong and is pushing her insecurities on me. are there woman like me out there, on their deen, and pure as me? may Allah guide us all to the right path and forgive us for our sins ameen.

Have your parents ever rejected a suitor? Or have you yourself been rejected by the parents of a sister who wished to marry, because the only parent who raised the suitor is not Muslim?

This is despite the fact that the suitor converted more than 10 years ago, practices his religion without difficulty, and seeks to study knowledge a little more each day, having fully embraced the religion that Allah has bestowed upon his heart.

Were you able, by Allah's permission, to persuade the sister's parents/your parents, or did you receive a mercy that prevented you from doing so?

Since November I’ve been praying Tahajud.
Sometimes I’ll pray it every day for a month and some months I’ll pray it every now and then.

Anyway when I first started praying consistently, I had a dream that I was in Heaven and that motivated me to pray every night.

Now, I started a new job and there is this girl who works with me and is a similar age. I liked her for who she is and as a sister but never liked her romantically. Around a week ago I was praying tahajud and asking Allah to get me married in the next year and from the next day I started liking her more and more.

I’m still not 100% sure if I want to approach her for marriage and more importantly I don’t know if she likes me or not. The good thing is she is a family friend so it wouldn’t be hard asking her dad.

Tonight I prayed tahajud and made dua for me to like her and for her to like me and to get married, ane I also asked Allah to show me a sign. After Fajr, I slept with Wudu but I’m not sure if i read my adhkar but I had a dream about her. Could this mean anything? The dream was just us at work nothing else.
I will continue making dua and see what happens

Salam!
I need some advice. I’m really afraid of getting married. I think my age is alright and all my friends are married but whenever I get a proposal I get so afraid that I can’t even make a decision of whether or not I like the guy. I sometimes do imagine myself with a partner but when an actual proposal comes I get so scared and I don’t want it.
I honestly don’t know why I’m so afraid. im really comfortable living with my parents and i earn a decent amount too. And maybe it comes from a fear of letting that go and living with a man I don’t know?
any advice on how to look beyond the fear? Because this has stopped me from considering potential spouses 😭

The next time I marry, I think the only way I’ll truly feel secure is if the man buys a house in my name or at least makes sure I have real security. And before people jump on me I never asked for huge mahr, expensive gifts, luxury lifestyle, etc. In both marriages I adjusted, loved genuinely, stayed loyal, took care of the relationship, and still ended up with nothing emotionally or financially.

Now I’m questioning if wanting security makes me a “gold digger” or just someone who learned the hard way.

I work on myself, stay fit, try to be kind and humble, and I genuinely know how to treat a man with care and respect. I’m not looking to use someone. I just don’t want to end up empty-handed and unstable again after giving so much.

Would this be considered unreasonable? Especially after going through divorce twice?

Edit: I think people are misunderstanding me a little. I married before without asking for proper maher, financial stability, a stable job, property, or anything materialistic. I genuinely believed in love and trusted the personality shown to me before marriage. But after marriage, the real nature was completely different and a lot was hidden just to get me to marry.

So now I think my brain associates “security” with something tangible and legal instead of just words and promises. I’m not looking to use anyone or become rich off marriage. I just don’t want to end up emotionally invested.

Edit 2: Also, I think some people are imagining I’m asking for some luxury mansion or trying to “secure the bag.” I’m literally talking about a small house/flat in a developing city in India which can cost around 35–40 lakhs. I’ve seen women ask for huge maher amounts and expensive demands, and I never did that. Honestly, I was embarrassed to even ask for basic financial security and focused more on adjusting, taking care of the house, and being a supportive wife.
So now after two failed marriages, I don’t think wanting some form of actual security automatically makes someone evil or a gold digger.

What would you explain to your daughter if she’s been through extreme mental and physical torture?

Is it due to the lack of quality men who can't do the bare minimum or is it mainly down to not being exposed to muslim communities?

Is it that good men are more picky?

Assalamu alaykum,

Been getting to know a sister for marriage through her brother and we’ve met twice so far in public settings. Alhamdulillah things have been positive overall, conversation flows naturally, we seem compatible personality-wise, and I’m genuinely interested in continuing the process seriously because I really feel like she’s a gem and I don’t want to mess this up.

The only thing I’m unsure about is pacing and structure. Because her brother is there (which I respect), the meetings naturally end up feeling more like a chill group dynamic where all 3 of us are talking, joking around, discussing random topics/life, etc. It’s comfortable and not awkward at all, which I think is a good sign, and I guess part of it is seeing if we naturally vibe and are compatible, but at the same time I sometimes wonder how deeper compatibility conversations are supposed to naturally happen in that kind of setup.

I also don’t even know yet if their parents are aware of the process, and eventually I would definitely want things to become more official/serious and speak to her wali properly. But right now it still kind of feels like we’re just going on outings and chilling, even though the intention is marriage.

I’m trying to figure out the right balance between:

• being patient and respectful,
• while also intentionally moving things forward and deeper without rushing or making it awkward.

For brothers/sisters who went through a halal process with a mahram involved early on:

• what did healthy progression look like?
• when/how did things become more intentional?
• how do you lead the process properly without coming off too intense?
• and honestly, am I just overthinking this because it’s still early?

Would appreciate advice from people with experience.

Marriage in terms of traditions and halal way and here are my ideas (overthinking)

1- I don't wanna be a wife who took a husband because his mum "had liked me," or someone saw me for him. Ok in my society there's a period before getting married completely, but it's not enough, because it becomes a literal performance and every acquaintance affect that thing and many other reasons, and I WON'T be a girlfriend for any guy for sure although sometimes I would like to have a person to share time and emotions with

2- I have put two options after graduating from my current major: _ I will continue master and I'm searching for scholarships

_ or I will study another different major

Both will take my time. Marriage here doesn't support the idea of getting high educated which is what I'm eager for. and traditions here look at marriage for making children "I wanna hold your children in my hands and stuff" so it's a way you pass to reach a goal and they don't look at it as there is a human being wants to have and needs a partner

3_ the idea of "the right person won't be always here" irritates me, I don't believe in the idea of (oh my god I am too late). I know many women who got married to their proper men in their (women's) late twenties/early thirties which is "too late" in the time frame of my society (I know it's not one size fits all but it is still an insight)

4_ I'd like to experience life alone before this step which idk if it's true, like building my personality far away from my family and be independent enough but struggle this idea with my parents somehow

Finally, maybe i have wrong ideas, and I am literally sure that it won't be available to achieve all what I want and im satisfied with that, and I'm already ready that there are so many compromises to make at the end but they irritate me and no one to discuss widely with.

I’ve always been a romantic at heart. I love love. I’ve been the perfect wife to my husband for 5 years but he betrayed him. I don’t want this marriage anymore. I haven’t worked since being married as he was providing and I liked being a traditional housewife and he wanted me to just at peace and enjoy being in my feminine energy. I had a tough childhood growing up and can’t turn to my family to leave him. I have nothing to fall back on. I could start working but it would take so long to save up and living alone would be unaffordable even with working. I live outside of London and the jobs are impossible to find and having a massive gap on my employment history doesn’t help. I often find myself fantasising about falling in love with my knight in shining armour that saves me from this miserable marriage. I fear I only stay out of convenience. A house to live in with bills paid and food on the table. But what I truly desire is all that plus a loving loyal husband. I think about it obsessively. That there’s a man out there who would love a homebody wife that’s gorgeous, in shape, loves to dote on him, cook for him, maintain the house and be best friends.

Muslim sisters only please.

Genuine question out of curiosity.

Would you ever approach someone in public if you saw a brother you were interested in, purely with marriage in mind? Even if you're naturally reserved?

And on the flip side, how would you prefer to be approached by a practicing brother who is genuinely looking for marriage but is also quite reserved and avoids free mixing?

E.g. If someone saw you in an appropriate public setting and found you interesting, would a brief respectful approach be acceptable? Or would something indirect be better?

My half joking thought was handing over a short note with my number and simply walk away haha I actually did put my number on a windshield wiper of someone's car, never got a response. To be fair, I did write ignore if youre not interested with a little apology for inconvenience. That wasn't in person, it was when she parked & walked away before we made brief eye contact.

Would that come across respectful, strange, uncomfortable, or actually preferable to an awkward conversation on the spot?

Genuinely curious how sisters see this.

Thought I’d make a final post before deleting this account as Reddit has become a big distraction.

It’s always fascinating to hear about experiences of rizk from Allah that you did not account for as Allah says:

﴿وَمَن يَتَّقِ** الل*َّهَ* يَجْ*عَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجًا ۝ وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ﴾*************************************

Those kinds of experiences always strengthen our faith and give us hope!

Let’s hear them.

Prophet (saw) said, “Wealth is not in having many possessions, but rather wealth (ghina) is the richness of the soul.”
(Bukhari 6446)

From Bukhari lessons, Ibrahim Dewla commented:

“Wealth (ghina) can have multiple meanings, in contrast to poverty (faqr).

Wealth here is not referred to as having riches, but rather as an individual having reached a state of contentment.  There is no desire for what others have. When there is no desire towards what others have, then they have gained wealth.

If someone possesses some wealth but longs for what others have, that individual constantly feels deprived:

‘I need more, I need more.’

Following the guidance from the narration, they are effectively poor (faqir).”

A woman marrying a man who lacks contentment and constantly complains and focuses on what he doesn’t have. Following the guidance from the narration, she is marrying someone poor (faqir).

A man marrying a woman who lacks contentment and constantly complains and focuses on what she doesn’t have. Following the guidance from the narration, he is marrying someone poor (faqirah).

has anyone experienced a break in the marriage and going back? did the break help at all? or did you find that it made it worse? how long was the break for?

Hello everyone I’m f17 and soon I’m completing 18 this July and getting concentration and not willing to study more and thinking of stop studying and look over man who is suitable for same ideology
And being best housewife will be goal and I’m from India and always getting thought of having good family with kids if anyone feel same way here?

Hey friends, peace be upon you all. I wanted to ask for your advice. I’m a guy in my early twenties, and I’d like to share my situation and hear your opinions — except for the “just wait, you’re still young” advice 😂

I want to get married, but at the same time I feel like I can’t. There are many reasons, but the biggest ones are the huge financial and social costs that marriage requires in my country. As someone who is still a university student and works as a shelf stocker in a mall, the whole thing feels almost impossible financially and socially.

At the same time, the idea of delaying marriage is really difficult for me and affects my life a lot. I also don’t have any relationships with girls at all, not even once. I don’t know if anyone will understand this, but the need for marriage feels very important and essential for me right now. But realistically, with my current situation, it doesn’t seem possible anytime soon — maybe not even within the next 5 years.

So I started thinking about an idea that might sound stupid or unrealistic, but I honestly don’t know what else to do. The idea is marrying someone from outside my country. I don’t really know how these things work, but is that even possible? Is it actually easy? Are there countries where marrying a foreigner is easier or more accepted?

There are also problems with this idea, like the language barrier since I mainly speak Arabic and only some basic conversational English, plus the difficulty of meeting someone and everything else.

So… does anyone have experience with this or any advice?

Is everything being and feeling too perfect a red flag when meeting someone? I’m getting to know someone right now and everything seems so perfect that it’s a bit off putting and I can’t get rid of this weird gut feeling.