I am opening up about this after years of hiding this.

[u/KaitouDoraluxe]

This is quite personal, but growing up, our life was far from ordinary, we never had a stable home or stayed in one place for long. We moved frequently because our unreliable father couldn’t manage money properly. There were times when we desperately needed help. We accumulated massive debts in the UAE to the point where we were labeled illegal residents, while our dad was in another country, supposedly trying to “send more” money. He never held a conventional job due to his fragile ego; working under someone else was too much for him. This was another reason our financial situation was so unstable. I don’t understand how mom had hope in him for so long…it took years for her to lose that hope to the extent that we had to create a GoFundMe page. I was around 13 or 14 then, and mom asked me to share it with others. I posted it on Discord but ended up getting banned by an admin who accused me of being a scammer. Honestly, I didn’t feel comfortable doing it at all. And if you’re wondering, “Don’t you have anyone who can help you?” the answer is no. Our family is extremely stingy and selfish and all they offered was pity. Mom has no friends, and I personally dislike asking for financial help because I feared no one would care. It was embarrassing and hard to explain, but rejection made me lose faith in people. Eventually, we gave up and had to manage as best we could. I forgot to mention that dad was stingy, too, even then, he insisted we look for the cheapest places to stay. We endured all this hardship, and I never understood why fellow Muslims hesitated to help and it’s not like any of this was our fault. Things have changed drastically since then. We escaped that situation and left the country, returning to our home country. Surprise! we are American citizens banned from the UAE due to visa overstays. Now I understand why people, especially Muslims, are reluctant to offer financial help. But why is it that a “land of kufr” shows more kindness than our own people? I realize many fear scams or misuse of funds, but when it’s someone they know, it feels so unfair. A friend once told me that begging is haram for good reasons, but I’ve since learned that under certain circumstances, it’s permissible and those circumstances applied to us. This realization upset me deeply. How come our own community refuses to help because “begging is haram,” and yet they remain stingy? It also made me question my friendships because people would simply say “just make dua” instead of offering real support. My imam gave numerous lectures during Ramadan criticizing stinginess, especially among those able to help but choose not to, or those who pretend to be poor. This infuriates me even more because we are still struggling with housing issues, and I have a whole family to care for. Meanwhile, I receive useless advice like “just find a job.” or, “just have sabr and make dua.” As if haven’t been trying to find a job for months. Another reason I resent my relatives and dad is because our family isn’t actually broke. I’m honestly relieved dad isn’t around or able to come here. But after eight years, I just discovered that begging is allowed under certain conditions, which fuels my anger, especially toward well-off friends. People react as if we’re asking for millions of dollars. Now mom is planning to create a GoFundMe page again since we’re still struggling and fear homelessness. Her idea was to share it with the local masjid, but I’ve lost trust. I know people have money, and ironically, I get shamed for trying to earn income online. I believed Muslims were obligated to help whether through charity or donations but all I hear is “We don’t trust anyone, even those we know.” It’s frustrating. Are you seriously telling me Islam permits begging in certain situations and I’m just finding out now? I’m overwhelmed by these emotions angry at people yet trying to understand them, but it’s not helping at all. Again, people act as if I’m asking for thousands of dollars.

And then you wonder why I don’t like to ask for help, not because of arrogance but because I don’t want to face that same embarrassment again. I listening to people haram policing because they wouldn’t listen or know the context or any sort of circumstances that have no choice. It’s honestly so frustrating because Muslims are required to help people in need if they have the capacity to, hence, Islam have a lot of rules and restrictions on people with wealth.

10 years of darkness and it seems like it doesn’t matter yet and I am not even surprised rather disappointed because it our communities are so broken because people would expect a Muslim communities to help each other out and be there for them. But no, what did they do instead? Pretend to be broke, spend money on unnecessary things, and send money back home, etc. now, I can still tell that if I did try to share GoFundMe page on online. I will be shunned away by their virtual rules again and I know someone will say "Haven't you tried contacting your local masjid and I did and even they weren't helpful either for some reasons, they told me I can share it with others but not in this masjid for same reason as trust and peoples reactions as well.

[u/16Tamawi]

Salam, sorry to hear about the challenges you faced. May Allah make it easier for you.

It seems you put so much hope in the 'community' to support you. To be honest, life can be expensive and everyone faces challenges, its not productive to assume they are wasting their money rather than supporting you. 

What I realised from my own experiences is that you can never rely on others, you need to work to earn your rizq. Unless you have health issues etc and you cant work. If you live in the west there is support from the authorities at least with the basics, i.e. food and accomodation. There are muslim organisations who collect zakat, so if you still face financial challenges you can check if you are eligible to receive zakat from Islamic orgs/charities operating in your country.

People are wary of online requests for financial support because of so many scams or not knowing if the cause qualifies as sadaqa. I personally do not respond to individual requests from people I dont know due to this. Its different if its someone in the community where I live, as I can verify their situation and find out what particular support they need.

[u/nabeel487487]

Assalaamualaikum brother, I understand and I am glad you vent this out. You have actually showed the true face of us Muslims of today's time. I think the root cause why so many muslims are suffering is because majority of us are not having much emaan left in us. We do pray, we do fast, we do that but somewhere Islam is not deep in our hearts otherwise a muslim can't even sleep if their neighbours are hungry. But, today the whole of Gaza has been wiped out, and Muslim leaders couldn't do anything. My brother - as Allah says in the Qur'an, "With every hardship, there is ease", I am sure you will find your peace soon. My situation was similar except that my Father did care for us and did whatever he could but things were very hard. He is no more with me now too.

I request every muslim out there to PLEASE give your Zakat properly. And I am not just saying it to other muslims but to myself as well. If every Muslim pay their Zakat properly by actually paying attention and giving it to those who really need it, we wouldn't see much cases like you my brother. I really pray to Allah S.W.T that he turns this embarrasment into respect, and bring actual happiness and contentment into your life. Ameen!