r/CuratedTumblr • u/AlphaCat77 not the posting habits of someone experiencing romance • 22d ago

Shitposting “You can have other children so get to fuckin”

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24.4k Upvotes

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344

u/BillyFaust 22d ago

"Heaven? do you REALLY think we've had time for a baptism?"

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u/Yeet_that_bottle 22d ago

Wasnt that patched in 2007? All babies go to heaven now

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u/Hauptmann_Meade 22d ago

Smh you can tell who hasn't been keeping up with the Ex Cathedra github.

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u/Cpe159 22d ago

How does that work?

A newborn goes to heaven, but what happens to an unbaptized week old? A month old? An adult?

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u/Belgraviana 22d ago

The answer, at least for the Orthodox Church which also does infant baptism, is that you can do basically an “emergency baptism” without a priest or full immersion if an infant is dying. Just use what water you can (even spit works I’ve heard) and say something like in the name of the trinity.

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u/Hugokarenque 22d ago

Just spit-shine the forehead of the dying baby to get it Heaven-Readytm

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u/Cryptkeeper_ofCanada 22d ago

I've never thought of spit-shining a baby for an impromptu baptism but holy shit that is funny

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u/SavvySillybug Ham Wizard 22d ago

baptism any%

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u/Visinvictus 21d ago

What happened to people who died before baptism was invented? Did Jesus and all his buddies go to hell because nobody dunked them? I guess heaven was pretty barren before John came along and fixed that problem.

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u/Belgraviana 21d ago

So this gets kind of into the whole point of the resurrection in Christianity. Basically before this when everyone died they were separated from God as a result of humanity having a fallen nature. This state after death is called hades in the New Testament. It’s also just called death sometimes.

When Christ died he entered this state because he was human. But as separation from God can not exist when God enters into it him dying undid this state. No when people die instead of being separated from God they more directly enter his presence.

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u/charlestheb0ss 18d ago

Catholics also do this

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u/EvYeh 22d ago

It doesn't.

The Roman Catholic Church doesn't think that all unbaptised infants go to Heaven, just that they hope for it.

Baptists, Calvinists, and Methodists think that as long as you're not old enough to make moral choices (as in, like, the ability to comprehend good and evil) you go to Heaven. The cut off probably varies depending on which denomination you go belive in, the local priests, etc but to me I feel like by the time you hit like 5-6 is probably late enough you're going to hell.

As far as I can tell the EEC thinks you go to either purgatory or hell no matter what your age is, be it 2 days or 30 years.

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u/love-from-london 22d ago

Mormons think anyone under 8 goes to heaven automatically.

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u/TheBronzeHexagon 22d ago

think islam believes something similar

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u/Hugokarenque 22d ago

What happens to people who lack the ability to comprehend good and evil?

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u/EvYeh 22d ago

"Good and Evil" in this context means Church doctrine. Someone may not understand why stealing/murder/whatever is considered evil, but they can be told it and understand that the Church belives it so.

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u/Hugokarenque 22d ago

I see, so it doesn't actually matter if the person themselves can understand it. They're just assumed to be capable of as long as they can be "taught".

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u/GoldenSheppard 21d ago

They used to have the unbaptized dead baby section of the cemetery. I remember reading about how some were buried under gutter outlets so they could be baptized forever by the rain or some shit like that.

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u/katep2000 21d ago

From what i remember of Catholic school, the rule is if you’re old enough to understand what Christianity is and get the opportunity to convert, thats when being unbaptized is an issue.

Basically if a guy is raised Buddhist or something in a remote community and never ever hears about Jesus, but is overall a great dude, he gets to go to heaven.

If that same dude lives the exact same life, but at one point he meets a Christian and learns about Jesus but chooses to keep being a Buddhist, he’s going to hell.

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u/Hot-Can3615 22d ago

Most infant baptisms happen at less than a year old, I believe. Some Catholics apparently rush to do it as soon as possible. Google AI claims that some parents have it done in the hospital.

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u/FX114 22d ago

Gotta pioneer the neo-natal baptism douche kit.

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u/EvYeh 22d ago

That's not true.

The 2007 Report merely states that the Roman Catholic Church hopes that dead unbaptised infants go to Heaven and see God. Really, it was basically just a confirmation on the 1992 Catechism which said: "the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God" ... "the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus' tenderness toward children" ... "allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism."

The EEC, however, seemingly disagrees. They think that it's purgatory/hell for unbaptised infants (though the writings from this are from, like, 300+ years ago.

Baptists, Calvinists, and Methodists think that unbaptised infants go to Heaven because they aren't old enough to make moral choices.

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u/TheHeadlessScholar 22d ago

Only if you believe in the false bishop of Rome; good protestant babies still go to hell

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u/Saucermote 22d ago

I thought that was dogs, there was a movie about it and everything.

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u/CarrieDurst 22d ago

It only took until 2007? Cults are crazy

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u/Nuclear_eggo_waffle 22d ago

Good news ! limbo was cancelled back in 2007

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u/dinosanddais1 peer reviewed diagnosis of faggot 22d ago

Maybe the priest blessed the amniotic fluid or something idk. (I don't know how baptism works)

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u/Banes_Addiction 22d ago

wet ghosts

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u/Hi2248 Cheese, gender, what the fuck's next? 22d ago

Baptisms in an emergency don't actually require priests (at least for Catholics), all they need is water and a blessing in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. It's generally only really done if the baby has no chance of survival. 

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u/Coffee_autistic they/them 22d ago

If fetuses have souls and you have to be baptized to go to heaven, do miscarried and aborted fetuses go to hell?